Friday, May 14, 2010

Because I Can't Afford Therapy

My big complaint about family gatherings was that there would be fighting. Ridiculous, stupid fights. Fights over politics and religion and just caused by drunken stupidity.

New complaint. Far worse, I think.

My parents and my grandma and her boyfriend returned to the house in a great mood and began calling for a cab to go out. I was invited to go out with them and I considered it because going out and drinking with family can have its advantages - like free booze.

Then I dug a little deeper.

"Where are you guys going?"

I didn't get a straight answer.

"OK, seriously, where are you going in the cab?"

I hope you are sitting (I assume you are) and please refrain from drinking any liquids while you drink this.

"The titty bar."

New plans for the evening: curl up in fetal position and rock back and forth. I can only imagine my poor step-dad, with whom I rarely sympathize, will be doing the same thing.

Hell, this is getting friggin' Oedipal here. He'll probably gouge out his own eyes.

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