Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Fuckmas

Christmas ceased to be my favorite holiday a long time ago. There comes a point when you become all too aware of the family drama and the stresses of the holiday season while still living at home - even then it is tolerable because everyone wears a happy face. When I was in college I was still going home for Christmas, except for the year spent with Miss L and Miss K in Germany. Since then, though, Christmas has been this awkward day spent with strange families or, in this case, in a cloud of marijuana smoke and in an empty bar.

Christmas eve is a great night for the twenty or even thirty somethings - unless you have kids, Christmas eve is just another occasion to stay out late drinking. No need to tuck in to wait for Santa to come. I had a pretty good Christmas eve, really, especially when all the other bars closed and everyone came up to my bar to drink. By the end of the night most of the food was gone and I had made some decent money in tips.

Christmas is another story. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in Jesus. I also don't celebrate any pagan holidays like solstice or Yule or anything. It should be like any other day. December 25th should be just like October 25th or January 25th or any other cold, rainy, wintery month. It must be the media, the entire marketing field, the cities with their lights - they are all reminding you that today is Christmas and that it is a day to be spent with family. I don't even necessarily get along with my family all that well and this stupid day makes me miss them. And it feels weird to be part of other families' Christmas gatherings, too.

I think my best time this entire evening was sitting in the bar with another bitter non-believer, drinking hot buttered rum and bitching about Christmas.

I didn't used to hate this day like I do now. Hope everyone else enjoyed theirs.

I went to a friend's place for Christmas dinner. Late. It was cold and they don't have a microwave. Everyone was smoking pot and staring at the television. The friend who was my main reason for being there wasn't even inside. I sat quietly, wishing I could have entered the night with a better attitude. Or wishing I smoked pot so I could join the stoned masses. But no, I just let my hair and clothing absorb the dank scent while I moped in a crowd. Stupid holidays aimed at making single people feel lonely. If I didn't know better I'd blame fucking e-Harmony or some shit company, trying to make us feel like we need a partner to be happy.

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