Thursday, December 10, 2009

Dating a Professional

Today I went to the dentist for the first time in at least three years. I figured I have a dental plan right now, so I had better go and get things taken care of. I got a brutal teeth cleaning and had to schedule more than one future appointment to get some cavities filled.

For those of you with absolutely perfect teeth, congratulations. My teeth have deep grooves and I also enjoy chocolate. I don't think these babies had a chance.

That's not my point, though. I didn't come here to point out my dental imperfections, though my dentist did point out that they could probably stick something to the weird half tooth so it would look like a normal human tooth. My point is, and you can tell by the title: dating professionals.

I didn't ask for recommendations for a dentist. I didn't read up on it. I chose my dentist based on proximity and the fact that I walked by his office most days. It's right by my office. I determined, when we were introduced, that my dentist is not a bad looking guy. A handsome looking professional like that - probably married.

But could you imagine dating a dentist? OK, again with the readers with the perfect teeth, whatever. I have crooked teeth, that weird half tooth (it's a genetic mutation or something - no super human powers), and I am more likely to use my floss for fixing something than its actual purpose.

The pressure of dating a dentist would be TOO MUCH. I can just picture going out to dinner with a dentist and excusing myself to the powder room every 15 minutes to check to see if things are in my teeth, check my breath, make sure my gums aren't even slightly swollen. I'd probably floss and brush directly after finishing the meal so that when we are leaving the restaurant and I smile and thank him for the lovely dinner, he isn't horrified by the piece of pepper stuck between my two front teeth or something.

And that's just the first date, right? What about when you have sleep overs. You would probably have to carry a toothbrush with you just in case you end up sleeping over. Then you get there and you wonder if you start making out or if you wait to brush your teeth. Are you going to have coffee? Or is he concerned about stains - should you be concerned about stains? And then when you are going to bed, are you trying to brush your teeth for just as long as he brushes his? Are you watching the motions he uses? Or maybe you are eying his sonic toothbrush and thinking that it is way stronger than your... never mind.

All I'm saying is that I could never date a dentist because I'd be way too worried that he'd be scrutinizing my teeth and dental hygiene 24/7 and I just can't deal with that. But maybe you are planning ahead and figure that if you end up marrying the dentist you can have free teeth whitenings and you'll have the best in dental hygiene technology and that you'll never have to worry about whether you have a dental plan again. After all, would I be so self conscious about my teeth had I had them cleaned professionally in the past three years? Or had I maybe gotten little ol' halfy the tooth crowned? Or had I gotten braces when I was in grade school and it would have completed my dorky look?

A couple notes:
The half tooth is half longways - it's a super skinny tooth. I know, it's sort of cruel that I'd get an anorexic looking tooth when the rest of me is anything but.
I did have a retainer in elementary school, my orthodontist was all about the minimal equipment to get a job done, little did he know (apparently) that elementary school kids are horrible about wearing their retainers or that my parents would decide to move and his whole plan would be foiled.
Between my hygienist and my dentist, I was talked into buying one of the sonic toothbrushes - I used it for the first time tonight and OH EM GEE was that strange. I hear you get used to it. I kind of sprayed toothpaste all over. But my teeth do feel clean. And satisfied.

2 comments: said...
This comment has been removed by the author. said...

Having a dental plan is great...but it also means you more frequently are told how you need to be doing a better job of cleaning your teeth. I recently got a cleaning/checkup. I had painful swollen gums and bleeding. I had been trying so so hard to floss at least a few times a week, which is great for me considering that prior to my relationship with Austin I only flossed ummmm maybe two dozen times EVER (?). Crazy, and so bad, I know (because I've been chided). Now, I floss every damn day. Sometimes twice a day. Yep. I now actually have dental hygiene. Woohoo. Don't have a sonic toothbrush though. Perhaps I should get one of those. I feel like a purist though - who needs batteries to brush their teeth, you know? People have been doing it for centuries with good old elbow grease.