Sunday, September 13, 2009

Anticipation

So, anticipation can be... unpleasant. There is anticipation of good things and then there is anticipation of bad things. This uneasy feeling definitely falls int he latter category.

I just feel myself getting behind and as the to-do-list grows, my time remains finite. It's frustrating. I made a list, hand-written, the other day hoping to lay it out and prioritize, but I don't feel any better yet.

This weekend I did pretty much nothing. I stayed in on Friday night to paint. Then I painted over the entire thing. I need to make a painting for my sister and her fiancee, since I can't give them the car as I had hoped to do. I think that my need for inspiration is making inspiration hide in some inconspicuous corner under a pile of pressing to-do-list items and a desire to sleep and sleep and sleep.

Last night I worked and it was a quiet night, made fun by the few people who did come to the bar. I would say that over half the groups who came in offered to buy or did buy me a drink or more. Maybe I looked like I needed it. It didn't help me to be more productive today, as I had hoped. The most productive thing I did all day is a tie between showering and heating up canned, condensed soup. Wow, hygiene and feeding myself. I'm a winner.

Meanwhile, the to-do-list gathers dust and my fear of being overwhelmed is, well, overwhelming. I think that might be counter-productive.

Luckily, little things here and there make bright patches in my days.

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