I think I have officially blogged about feeling fat (and therefore unattractive) but I will put it out there that I have, in the past few years, never have I ever felt that I was lacking in dudes hitting on me. Sometimes, it's just that they aren't the dudes I want. Maybe it is my hair, maybe it's my eyes, but something guarantees that there will always be dudes who want to sleep with me. Usually, the dudes who want to sleep with me will use some smooth line or really put some effort into the "seduction" but tonight, I got asked if I wanted "penis" a la carte. Seriously, "Do you want penis?" and then when my response was, rightfully, "what?" he sort of recoiled, pretended that he hadn't said it, and it would have been forgiven and forgotten had he not repeated the "offer" on his way out. Oh dear.
And, once again pointing out that I have been feeling fat and unattractive, I will share that it has a little to do with those good ol' female hormones. PMS is the main cause for my emotional outbursts, bloaty appearance, and my self loathing. That being said, and related to the previous paragraph, it's raining and it's pouring. I may not feel hot and sexy, but the men keep a knockin' and I have no lack of suitors. My big problem is that, while the majority of my suitors are legitimately handsome and interesting men (aside from Mr. Penis-a-la-carte), I am not necessarily feeling 100% in it. There is one in particular whom I feel I should fall for, head over heels, but I am still feeling pretty emotionally detached. Boo. The thing is, I really want to fall in love with someone. Somehow there is some block.
I've been feeling the economic crisis blues these days, along with the PMS related blues, so it hasn't been pretty. I've been sleeping late and applying for jobs with little luck. I feel like I may be bound to be stuck as some college grad with a lot of potential but no real job. I am happy to report that I have ONE job interview to show for the dozen resumes and cover letters I've sent. I have one possible interview for one not-so-well paying job in a field that is at least slightly appealing to me. Actually, it's pretty decent - a law office assistant job with the Attorney General. It's ok that you haven't heard of him, that was part of Palin's legacy.
I guess, what I really want to say is this:
I'm still a nice looking gal with a lot to offer. I just live in a small town that is being affected by an economic crisis.
Other things to note: Mr. L is back in town and just as amusing. Also, he is sleeping on my couch, possibly as I type this. Mr. CPP is still included in the friends list, even though I have drunkenly implied that his motives for remaining in contact are impure. I've still got good girlfriends and I've still had some good fun with the friends in general. Despite the mini meltdown related to the triangle, everyone still believes that I am sane and worth hanging out with.
Hopefully the near future holds for me some more fun dates with Mr. TB, more enjoyable nights working at the Bergmann, and more heartfelt conversations with friends. Most of all, I hope the near future includes a day job, one with steady pay, one with benefits, and most of all, one that actually pays me.