Saturday, January 31, 2009

No news is good news, right?

Well, I had that interview. I'm waiting to hear back. A fellow WU alum had interviewed for the same position and shared his bad news yesterday evening. He didn't get it. Got a call that day. I haven't heard yet. He seemed to think that they'd let the lucky candidate know before they'd call the unlucky candidates, but I'm crossing my fingers that no news is good news. Maybe I'll be invited to a second interview? Or maybe they knew exactly who they didn't want, but are still weighing a couple other candidates, like me?

Just updated the comics! I've been making them, slowly and steadily, since the last update. Finally put up about 8 today. Man!

Last night the Bergmann was packed! Crazy. It was nice to have a bit of a challenge.

Went on a real live date recently. The lame thing about it all is that I don't think we've got the spark.

Met up with Mr. HL again. Definitely a spark there, but he may be another of the many d-bags I choose to lust after and long for.

Finally got paid and can pay rent and certain bills. Still poor. Boo. No news on the PR job. Ummm, where's my interview?

Tonight get to go out and have fun! Probably the last hoorah before my trip to the Midwest. Get to see Mr. KB on my layover this trip. See Miss AB in MN and Miss HA, Miss MM, and Miss ML once I get to the EC. I hear it is cold. I can handle it though.

Wish I had something really witty to share, but I'm in a hurry. Meeting the roomie for dinner and drinks!


LastviewsofHD046.jpg (JPEG Image, 600x800 pixels)

LastviewsofHD046.jpg (JPEG Image, 600x800 pixels)

Ah, could update of many things, but the only thing that absolutely must be shared is this gem of a photo, courtesy of a pal from my time abroad. Yes, that is a giant phallus. Yes, I am posing with it. This photo was from early 2006, I believe.

Thanks, doll!

Monday, January 26, 2009

It looked right.

This morning I strode confidently into the capitol building, fresh faced and long black coat clad. I looked like I belonged. I chatted with someone in the elevator, we had a dance class together once. I walked to the office and mentioned that it had been suggested that I talk to Mr. Legislative Aide. Miss MC redirected me attention to her, the woman doing the hiring. I was refreshed. She is someone I had met before. On multiple occasions, including the dance lessons. She is dating the guy I was chatting with in the elevator. She mentioned that she had met me at the Alaskan. Uh oh. Was it Saturday? Because that isn't in my favor.

She gave me her e-mail address to send my resume and talked interviews right away. Promising, right? There is hope for me yet! The position really exists and has not yet been filled. I am finding myself in stride, rather than a step behind. Finally.

Last night my house inexplicably became party central. Usually it is me and the roomie, maybe her boyfriend, maybe a friend of mine. Nothing major. When I got home after bar close, I discovered loud conversation and a number of people. Considering I was planning to walk amongst the living at an early hour today, I was somewhat dismayed that last night was the night for merriment and drinking and loud conversing. I stayed in the front room for a bit, trying to keep Mr. G at bay, trying to hide my annoyance at the quibbling between the drunkards. It's not that I didn't like the people - just that I was sober and requiring sleep. The one night I really wanted to go to bed immediately I can hear stupid conversation from across the apartment, not to mention the movie being played.

Also. The moment I stepped into the apartment building I walked into a wall of acrid, skunky, weed smell. I'm 99% positive that at least two of my 3 neighbors are smokers, but this was coming from my apartment. Uh oh. Considering neither my roommate nor I smoke, I knew I was in for an interesting situation.

Overall, I didn't sleep long or well, but sheer motivation got me out of bed to go to the Representative's office. Good thing I am so motivated.

Everyone seems to be getting sick these days, I am hoping I can avoid it. Miss MH gave me a pack of Emergen-C today, so maybe that will help me to stave off any lurking viruses.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Cheers to new and brilliant things.


Did you know that we have a new president? It's still sinking in, for me. I attended the inauguration viewing at Centennial Hall and was in awe of the crowd in attendance. I went to the inaugural ball hosted by the Juneau Democratic Party and was again delighted with the number of people in attendance. Barack Obama is our new president and I am feeling a pride and sense of patriotism I haven't felt in a long time.


In the State of the State address, Sarah Palin announced a hiring freeze for the State of Alaska. Ouch. I had an interview the day before with the Attorney General's office and now I think I might be out of luck. Luckily I should have another interview this week. I also got a tip from a friend about someone to talk to at the legislature about getting a job. Cross your fingers, I still have a chance to be a legie. Here's to hope.


I've been really enjoying having good company at the bar. I had a group of legies in recently and I've had numerous other people who have declared the Bergmann to be their favorite. Things are looking up for the place.


I slapped my boss.

He thanked me. I was slapping some sense into him. It may not have been all that effective, but it makes for a good story, right? Don't worry, I'm far from getting fired.


I think that by saying cheers after everything it makes it all more... um... cheerful. Right.

Some more highlights from the weekend include: Lots of dancing! Yay! Dancing with volunteers from the campaign days, dancing with Mr. M, dancing with some other handsome gents.

The only one issue I have lately is my reaction to Mr. A being around. I don't know why it always gets me all messed up. I drank a bit too much and apparently blacked out. Oops. I apparently slapped Mr. L twice and Mr. CPP once. I guess slapping the boss once opened a can of worms.

Saw Mr. HL again, but I was pretty drunk. I bet I made an ass of myself. But alas, it happens.

Had some decent company at the bar earlier this evening, but now things are quiet. I didn't plan for it to be a big night though, so I can't complain too much. If it remains this quiet, I'll be ok with it. I have to get home and get some rest so I can wake up early in the morning to try for a job.

Friday, January 23, 2009

I'm not burning bridges, it's merely singed.

I'm so ronery. So ronery. So ronery and sadry arone.

It's 5:30pm Alaska Standard Time and the Bergmann is sadly empty. It's me, the moody laptop, my iPod touch, and hopes for a packed bar tonight. But alas, this is the weekend when things happen.


Friday AND Saturday: The JUMP Film Festival is taking place at the Silverbow in the evenings - showings at 7pm and 9pm. Tickets are free - stop by Lucid Reverie in the building with Heritage on Franklin Street to get yours. I'm attending Saturday at 7pm if you would like to stalk me. Also, Sean Tracy and co. will be performing at the Alaskan both nights. I do enjoy that old-timey country and bluegrass.

Saturday: The Juneau Dems are holding the Obama Inaugural Ball. Miss C and I will be attending after the film festival. We are guessing it won't go until 3 in the morning, so we should have enough time to catch some of the live music at the Alaskan too. Tomorrow night will be a busy night!

I am guessing that tonight, holding so many options for things to do other than sitting in a lonely and remote bar like the Bergmann, things will be quiet. Maybe I can coerce some people to mosey on up. We do have the best collection of whisk(e)y in town, after all.

About the bridge burning though - I have a love-hate relationship with blogging about my life. I actually ditched another blog that I kept through most of my college career - it got too personal and mentioned too many names. I had a real following, but at whose expense? I don't think anyone got into trouble, but I did once have a bit of a spat with a girl over a dance date... We became friends once thing cleared up. Now - I try to maintain some level of privacy by relinquishing the use of real names, but if you are mentioned in this blog, you likely know it. So, to my readers who get mentioned... I hope I have not singed any of our bridges!

In my recent blog I think I said something along the lines of "forget anyone else" in my giddy infatuation with Mr. HL, which is silly. I don't want to forget anyone and I am not altering any of my relationships with people at this point. Things will happen as they happen.

In other news - I know who my competition is for this PR job. There are two. They are young (this coming from a 23 year old). They are less experienced. They are in for some competition. I also discovered, upon checking out the website further, that I know two of the team members in this company. One is merely someone I met attending the Southeast Summit meeting last spring, the other is the wife of a fellow Rotaractor - we've been in contact a number of times, hopefully she regards me as well as I do her. Cross your fingers, reader(s), this could be my future. I only just today learned what the job title was and I don't have a job description, but I like my cover letter. It's not stuffy and I think it demonstrates my character. Miss D at the staffing agency seemed to enjoy it. Are cover letters usually enjoyable?

Today wound up being busier than I had anticipated. I again slept in until a very leisurely hour, but then ran errands about time and called on a few friends. I picked up my ticket to the Ball at Hearthside Books downtown (I've bought some gifts for people and some books here in the past). I dropped off my bridesmaid dress to get altered by Rae in the downtown Heritage building. She's the sweetest lady. I leave for the wedding in less than two weeks and she told me she would have it done for me in no more than a week. Leave it to me to procrastinate (sorry bride-to-be, but don't worry) but I can leave it to Rae to take care of me. It's only the sleeves that need alterations anyway - otherwise it is a lovely fit. I then headed to the Silverbow where I wrote my favorite cover letter to date. Then I ran down to Heritage to drink a coffee and meet up with Ms. S, a former elected official and woman about town. Walking up the hill to head home, I decided to stop by and visit Mrs. H at her office. She is another one of the many wonderful women I know around town who have been amazingly supportive and a delight to talk with.

And here I am, at the Bergmann, hoping for some company. Come visit, please?

Also worth mentioning: I had dinner with the ladies from the boutique and it was delightful. The women I was with ranged from 40 to 50 years older than me and all three of them had been very active about town and especially with the legislature in the late 60's and early 70's. Listening to the stories of the very young legislature and all of the debauchery and the like - wonderful. I wish I had a tape recorder to take it all in. A girl could write novels about the stories these women were telling. Who had affairs with whom, where the real deals were made, and what has happened since. Today's legislature seems so dull - not even the legislative aides, in their 20's and 30's are quite as wild as the elected officials were in those days.

Open Mic Night on Thursday at the Alaskan was also nice. There were some really fantastic performances and the Story Corps girls orchestrated some interesting story telling and question asking that was quite enjoyable. Even the drunken antics were at least somewhat amusing.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

I noticed you noticing me...

Yesterday was another "I win" day.  It's been a while since I've had a really, really good day.  A day in which all things fall into place.  In which all things are brilliant and wonderful.  But yesterday was one of those days.

Days leading up to it have been typical for my time post vacation and pre-real job.  I've done too much sleeping, the same amount of drinking as I ever did, and I've been working at the Bergmann.

Yesterday was a lovely day for the following reasons:

I had a job interview!  I think it went well, too.  It went pretty smoothly and I apparently answered questions the right way, which is good!  Go teamwork!  That is the short version of the answer.

During the job interview, I got a call from the ladies at AEG telling me there were some potential jobs.  I love them and they love me, so luckily they call me ASAP when something good comes up.  I have a cover letter to write, but cross your fingers because I may join the wide world of PR professionals.  I think half the bloggers I read are PR professionals.  I'll just be joining the ranks of the greats.  In some way at least.

After I chatted with the ladies at AEG I went and worked for a couple hours at Boheme, nothing much, but working any hours is usually good.  Ms. H told me we'd be having dinner tonight (Thursday) with all the employees.  It should be good fun.  I'll definitely be the youngest in attendance by a solid 40 years, but all the ladies are very interesting to spend time with.  

Once I got off work, I went to go eat something at Silverbow, but then I got a call from Mrs. N telling me to get my butt to the legislative reception.  I showed up, mingled some, ate some chocolate covered strawberries, and checked out the hot legie (pronounced ledge-ee).  So, hot legie has been in town for about a week and I thought he was attractive from the moment I saw him.  I met him on Sunday, there was a conversation about why Sundays at the Imp are called church and about Gerald Ford.  Two separate topics.  Obviously.  

Post reception, I had a Rotaract meeting.  Mostly it was great.  All except for a certain Rotarian who has made it his goal in life to be the world's biggest douchebag.  He excels.  I think it is his goal to find flaw in anything I say, to point out any weakness, and to stir shit wherever and whenever there is any possibility at all.  Aside from shooting daggers with my eyes, I had pleasant conversation with the rest of the pleasant people.

Post Rotaract I went to the Bergmann to kick it with Miss P.  I was telling her about my crush on the hot legie.  I think the words, "Politics is foreplay" did indeed escape my lips.  I had some vodka tonics and was having fun, but declared that I would be going to the Alaskan.  My main reason for doing so?  Well, I mean, aside from the Alaskan being one of my favorite bars.  Hot legie.  

Apparently, when I put my mind to something.  When I really want something.  I can be pretty single minded.  

Anyway, went to the Alaskan with Miss B and at some point took leave of her and Miss PR to go join the legie table.  Maybe I should explain that legie = legislative aide.  Anyway, went and sat with Miss JC and Mr. NL and the legies.  It was fun.  Legie talk.  I'm just a legie groupie though, of course, since I was a day late on every lead I had.  Boo.  

At some point I found myself conversing with Hot Legie, hereon Mr. HL, and the following sort of exchange happened:

"Hey, it's Mr. HL, right?"
"We met a couple days ago.  Talked about Gerald Ford."
"I don't know anything about Gerald Ford.  Was it that he started drinking again?"
Blah. Blah. Blah. Work. Blah. Blah. Blah. Politics. Blah. Blah. Blah. Campaign. Blah. Blah. Blah.
"Wanna go smoke?"
"Actually I have to run home real quick.  Meet me [here] in ten minutes?"

Approximately 10 minutes later...


Smoking cigarettes.

"Wanna go up to my room and get warmed up, then we can smoke another, maybe?"

It's always refreshing to find that you are both angling for the same thing.  Anyway, Mr. HL is my new big crush.  Forget the others.  It just wasn't there.  Sorry.  

The next 90 days have some potential.  

Oh, and it has to be noted that, while we were making out (oh, scandal) there was the Alaska version of C-Span on in the background.  Remember what I was saying earlier in my conversation with Miss P?  Oh my.  Hilarious.

Today has been a chill day.  I napped.  I lounged.  I spent some time with Miss P.  Tonight I'm going to dinner with the ladies from the boutique and then going to Open Mic night.  Sounds good.  Also, Miss J will be out for a bit tonight.  That's always fun!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I'm just gonna go with it.

This morning I woke up snuggled up to my roommate Mr. L, on the living room couch, and still drunk. A look around the room showed Miss C on the little couch with a blanket. A peek into my room showed Mr. CPP asleep, comfortably, in the middle of my bed alone. What kind of exciting night leaves aftermath such as this? A very exciting night, I assume.

Saturday was a good day. Following a pretty decent Friday night (considering I was working and I got propositioned rather crudely). I went to brunch at the Sandpiper with Miss B. When we arrived we discovered Miss A sitting with one of her former roommates, a co-worker of hers. We joined them at the table and began what would be a long and raucous brunch - no doubt painful for all those not privy to our jokes. We belly laughed for a solid two hours. We laughed loudly and riotously. We told stories and made jokes and nearly choked on our own hilarity. I don't know that I have laughed that hard in a good long time.

Post-brunch, Miss B and I went to gather the last of her things to move to her new place, where we had a heart-to-heart which, heard only partially by Miss B's now former roommate, caused more laughter. Somehow it came to be understood by him that we got men drunk to see their wee-wees. Not at all the actual conversation. Once we had gathered the last of the stuff, we watched Super Troopers at my place. More laughter. I hope laughter is a good ab workout. Miss B took leave and I was about to get in the shower when Miss P convinced me to meet up with her and have dinner. We met between our homes and headed to El Sombrero where we overloaded our stomachs with burrito goodness. This particular dinner date didn't include the same laughter that was present in the earlier part of the day, at least not until the end of our meal when we were talking about the biological urge to have children (and how sex is pleasurable so we will make babies) and a small and curious child at the booth behind me turned to us and asked in a really horrified way, "What are you guys talkin' 'bout?!" Cue: Exit. Stage left.

After filling our bellies to the point of looking like we were with child, we browsed some shops before heading to our separate homes. Finally I hopped in the shower and got ready to face the day, er, night. I also finished reading Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins, which gets added to my list of favorite books ever. I headed to the Hangar and ran into Miss A, later adding Miss B and Miss C to the mix. ABC's. Ha. Anyway. We did a bit of pub crawling that night, Hangar to Imperial to Alaskan to Rendezvous to Imperial again. While at the Hangar Miss A was introducing me to one of our table-mates, whom I had met previously. It wasn't fresh in my mind, but he told me that he had met me through Mr. A, and it all comes back to me now. Yup. We were acquainted, for sure. Hopping around that night, we had plenty of drinks and I was feeling fabulous when Mr. A showed up. Now, I wish I could say that I can behave normally around him, but for some reason his presence puts me on edge since we've gone our separate ways. So on edge, in fact, that I downed three drinks in about as many minutes. Along with everyone else to whom I've allowed myself to get emotionally attached, he told me he was dating someone. He did, for some reason, explain that it wasn't "anything serious" and he gave me a beer. I downed the beer, babbled about where I work, chatted with him about what he's doing, all in all more words than we likely exchanged the entire time we were seeing each other.

Up until those last three drinks in those last three minutes of full consciousness, the night was full of girl talk and fun. After those last three drinks in those last three minutes, we enter the black out phase. I hear we went to Miss P's house. We apparently hit up Pel'meni. We apparently also made it back up to my apartment where the sleeping arrangements fell into place.

And then I woke up. Snuggled up to Mr. L. Drunk.

This is the part where I just go with it. I'm no stranger to waking up drunk. It's happened before, usually followed by more sleep or going to work when I ought not, then there is the come-down, then there is the hangover. Not today though, today was not your average post-apocalyptic hangover day.

Miss C left at a semi-reasonable hour. Mr. L and I ran into my room and sandwiched Mr. CPP. Then I feel asleep again. When I awoke a bit later, Mr. L and I decided to go to Silverbow. That's when we saw the light. The sunlight. And we felt the warmth. To a normal person, it probably wasn't that warm, but to a sunshine and warmth deprived Alaskan, it was glorious. We sat out in the sun and ate bagels and drank coffee and tea. Mr. M walked by and joined us out on the little patio in the parking lot. We were also joined by a little plastic man we call Fleshbeard. I choose to explain no further.

Miss AG was there having brunch with her brother, his girlfriend, and another friend. On their way out, she stopped to chat and introduced all of us. What followed was a slightly awkward conversation and then an apparently hilarious exclamation from me. When the group had turned to walk away, I said to Mr. M in a not-library voice, "I think I'm still drunk."

This breakfast with Mr. L and Mr. M was another laughter filled meal. Once it had been determined that all of us were still at least sort of drunk, we went to Mr. M's apartment and decided to grab another beer each. Just go with it. I also grabbed the little Turkish drum and started beating on that while we laughed about Fleshbeard, yelled unnecessarily loudly, and made robot gestures. Miss P came out post caroling and Mr. G followed shortly thereafter. We all continued to have absurd conversation about awkward cop and Fleshbeard and being drunk. We also participated in some recreational snow removal. Miss P and I worked together with snow shovels to remove a large clump. Mr. L and I collaborated to pick up a big, long section of melted and refrozen snow, which we preceded to drop off the balcony. We then laughed hysterically.

After finishing the day-beer and snow removal, when the sun was beginning to slide behind the mountains, Mr. L and I went home. We went home and we put on Fright Night and fell asleep. Now, here I am, working at the Bergmann, plotting events and creating drinks, maintaining my joyous mood and feeling no guilt about maintaining a level of insobriety for such a long time.

Happy day before MLK Jr. Day!

Happy almost inauguration!

Happy drunk day!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Never have I ever:

I think I have officially blogged about feeling fat (and therefore unattractive) but I will put it out there that I have, in the past few years, never have I ever felt that I was lacking in dudes hitting on me. Sometimes, it's just that they aren't the dudes I want. Maybe it is my hair, maybe it's my eyes, but something guarantees that there will always be dudes who want to sleep with me. Usually, the dudes who want to sleep with me will use some smooth line or really put some effort into the "seduction" but tonight, I got asked if I wanted "penis" a la carte. Seriously, "Do you want penis?" and then when my response was, rightfully, "what?" he sort of recoiled, pretended that he hadn't said it, and it would have been forgiven and forgotten had he not repeated the "offer" on his way out. Oh dear.

And, once again pointing out that I have been feeling fat and unattractive, I will share that it has a little to do with those good ol' female hormones. PMS is the main cause for my emotional outbursts, bloaty appearance, and my self loathing. That being said, and related to the previous paragraph, it's raining and it's pouring. I may not feel hot and sexy, but the men keep a knockin' and I have no lack of suitors. My big problem is that, while the majority of my suitors are legitimately handsome and interesting men (aside from Mr. Penis-a-la-carte), I am not necessarily feeling 100% in it. There is one in particular whom I feel I should fall for, head over heels, but I am still feeling pretty emotionally detached. Boo. The thing is, I really want to fall in love with someone. Somehow there is some block.

I've been feeling the economic crisis blues these days, along with the PMS related blues, so it hasn't been pretty. I've been sleeping late and applying for jobs with little luck. I feel like I may be bound to be stuck as some college grad with a lot of potential but no real job. I am happy to report that I have ONE job interview to show for the dozen resumes and cover letters I've sent. I have one possible interview for one not-so-well paying job in a field that is at least slightly appealing to me. Actually, it's pretty decent - a law office assistant job with the Attorney General. It's ok that you haven't heard of him, that was part of Palin's legacy.

I guess, what I really want to say is this:

I'm still a nice looking gal with a lot to offer. I just live in a small town that is being affected by an economic crisis.

Other things to note: Mr. L is back in town and just as amusing. Also, he is sleeping on my couch, possibly as I type this. Mr. CPP is still included in the friends list, even though I have drunkenly implied that his motives for remaining in contact are impure. I've still got good girlfriends and I've still had some good fun with the friends in general. Despite the mini meltdown related to the triangle, everyone still believes that I am sane and worth hanging out with.

Hopefully the near future holds for me some more fun dates with Mr. TB, more enjoyable nights working at the Bergmann, and more heartfelt conversations with friends. Most of all, I hope the near future includes a day job, one with steady pay, one with benefits, and most of all, one that actually pays me.


Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Some days, I appreciate inconsistency.

Monday night began to look up with a few whiskey sours and a couple kamikazes in my system. Plus I have good friends. Those help more.

Today I made some money working for JEDC putting together robotics kits for teachers in Alaska. The job itself wasn't particularly thrilling, but one of the people who was working on the project is interesting indeed. We chatted some and I discovered that he is a writer. That's pretty much it, and by that I mean he doesn't have a steady job but works when he needs money, I guess. It's a lifestyle I'd gladly take on, had I not dug myself into a very deep hole with student loans and credit card debt. Post-work I went to Silverbow.

So did he. We didn't really chat much more, but exchanged some words. He's a very cool person and I'm glad that we had some interactions. He was also very nice in that, though he didn't end up sticking around the Bergmann tonight, he did bring me my check. Very kind indeed.

The Bergmann has been slow, though I have had some customers. I had Mr. G and Mr. LM in for a bit. They are funny ones, enjoyable company. Mr. TT came in. He's been pleasant company a lot lately. We first met before the holidays and danced a couple times, but since then we've run into each other by chance here and there and he has consciously decided to visit me on some occasions as well.

Now, I am always unsure about in between stages in my love life. Stages when I am openly dating or hanging out with more than one person. It makes me wonder what is appropriate and what is not. I mean, so long as I'm not officially dating someone, I am technically free to do whatever the heck I want, but there seems like there may be some fine line. I doubt that a guy dating me casually/starting to date me would want to know that I was kissing some other dude the day before or even the week before, right? Not that they need to know... but I generally at least hint at makeouts or dates in this blog and if someone who were sort of interested in me were to read this and know that the makeout in question was not him... what if he gets jealous? Am I sabotaging my love life by being open about it?

Anyway, tomorrow I am meant to hang out with Mr. TB and we are going to have some drinks and hang out. We have had a couple fails with the hanging out, but it should be fun. He's someone that I feel comfortable with because we have a lot in common, not just in interests, but I also feel like he's someone I can be myself with whether I am feeling happy or sad or anything in between.

I've determined that if I can keep busy I can keep from getting stressed out and becoming an emotional wreck. That being said, tomorrow I must come up with something productive to do.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Over the Edge

It was the triangle that did it. It was me sitting there with a triangle and a metal chopstick, not knowing when to hit the stupid thing. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with panic and inadequacy. The simple question, "Are you ok?" was enough to cause tears to well up in my eyes. I clumsily made my exit with little explanation.

A little late and not quite good enough are some ways I might describe myself of late. Also included in the list of negative adjectives might be fat, irrational, and stressed.

I hope I have some rational excuse for the some of them, something like PMS or hormones, but the not quite good enough and stressed and the little too late are definitely related to the fact that I am still underemployed with no clear prospects. My bank account is overdrawn, bills are and will be paid late, and I don't even know when I'll be able to remedy the matters. I've also gained weight and I've noticed that many of my recent "exes" have followed me up with someone worthy of commitment and in one case breeding. Plus, I can't play an instrument. Not even a fucking triangle.

I've been bouncing between "fine" and "horribly depressed" since the end of the holiday season. Usually it is the holiday season that elicits depression and stress in the average person. Not so for this gal. It's the return to everyday life which has thrown me into a funk.

There are things I should be sharing that are happy and lovely, things like movie nights with friends, free drinks, jam sessions, potential love interests and the lovely evenings spent with friends.

Instead the things that are racing through my head include electricity bills quintupling, unemployment and financial ruin, the inevitable hit of the economic crisis, bank fees, and looking less attractive than when I was one pant size smaller.

I don't care if boys still want to get into my fat pants.

I should be talking about things like being friends with Mr. G and how things have not been awkward when we hang out in a nice social setting that isn't a bed.

I should be talking about how Mr. L is returning in mere days.

I should be talking about how Mr. TB and I are going out for drinks on Wednesday.

I should be talking about how Mr. TT came to keep me company at the Bergmann when I worked Sunday night.

I should be talking about how I am gaining management experience at the Bergmann, something that looks good on a resume.

I should be talking about how I have amazing friends who are fun to spend time with.

I should be talking about how I got to frolic in the snow just before it warmed up and melted into gross slush.

Instead, I am irrationally upset and panicky, unhappy, and contemplating (not seriously) shoving a philips head screwdriver through my heart.

Is this part of being a girl? I hear that we are just crazy.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

What's What and Who's Who in 2009:

Where do I stand in 2009? What's what? Who's who?

I am underemployed, though I've picked up a couple more shifts at the Bergmann and I am hoping to get some shifts in subbing at the High School or one of the elementary schools within walking distance. I put in a lot of resumes with a lot of non-profits and with the legislature, but I guess I have been spoiled recently and have therefore been less than pro-active in job-seeking. I am crossing my fingers I get the non-profit job saving the oceans (similar to the last one, but long term) because it seems like my best option. Otherwise, who knows what I'll be doing to pass the time until I can fulfill my New Year's Resolution of getting a job that provides me with a business card. That's just my way of saying I want a good career-esque job.

Mr. TB and I had coffee over the weekend, we chatted and uploaded music onto my new iPod touch (I love it a lot). We had a good time, but then I had to go work at the boutique. Only worked about 3 hours, is that even worth it, considering how little money I make there?

Mr. CPP and I saw each other again post declaration of just-friendship-for-real-this-time and chatted briefly, including about the return of my former roommate, lover, and our mutual friend Mr. L. The roommate thing will briefly be reinstated when he returns to town and most likely crashes on my couch until he secures another place to live, the friend thing has been continuous, but the lover thing is long since over. He also sent me a text message last night, but I was too busy watching Buffy after the life changing movie night which included watching Berry Gordie's The Last Dragon and Flash Gordon. Plus we had lovely wine and cheese.

Mr. G is back in town. This became all too apparent when he showed up at Miss P's place Saturday night after bar close. Miss P's place has become a "flop pad" where people often show up to crash instead of going home to bed, for whatever reason. A girl was passed out on the couch snoring obscenely so Miss P, Mr. G and I all went up to Miss P's room to crash. Miss P and I both have a bit of history with Mr. G, but we both assumed that we could all crash and have no issues. Well, not entirely the case. After an awkward night of trying to keep some semblance of personal space, I've determined that Mr. G and I need to have a really serious chat, or we need to not be anywhere near this close in contact.

I subbed for the Rendezvous team of the Women's Pool League. What came as surprising for most of us was that I didn't suck too badly. I actually sort of held my own, winning one game (girl scratched the 8) and removing most of my balls from the table before losing the other games. Miss P is on the team with Miss CB and Miss EB.

'Church' on Sunday was a good time, it was nice to be back in that setting and have some beers and play some pool and see friends.

And I think that is 2009 so far.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Welcoming the New Year and New Adventures

I planned the California trip so I could leave after I finished the job saving the oceans and return in time to ring in the new year with friends. Getting drunk and kissing at midnight is much more fun/possible when with friends.

NYE day began with breakfast with Miss G, Miss MH, and Miss P, plus their younger sisters. We had pancakes and eggs and sausage and fruit and mimosas. Good way to start the day, no?

While in California I hit up H&M and bought a purple satin sheath dress for $34.90 (I love H&M) for the purpose of wearing on NYE. I like to look good. It was a lovely dress. Miss J dressed up too, so did Miss G (back in town for the holidays) and Miss MH (back in town for the holidays and legislative season). A lot of people were dressed up, I guess. We started the night out at my place, having a little drink and snack before heading to the Bergmann where Miss P was working. We had some drinks there and were tipsy and wanted to head to where the action would be. We chose the Rendezvous where Wisconsin Slim was playing. Great for dancing and I know and like the bartenders.

When the countdown started, I found myself panicking. I know it sounds silly, but that midnight kiss seems like a big deal and since Mr. CPP and I are no longer doing our fake just friends thing and are doing a real just friends thing, I actually had to think about this matter. I placed myself next to Mr. TDH just in time and got another half-assed kiss reminiscent of my half-assed kiss ringing in 2005? Either way, I've so far had terrible luck with New Year's kisses. Those were the only two. Neither dude had his heart in it, and who knew guys had to have their heart in it to kiss a chick? I mean, really?

Now, being the sassy lady that I am, I walked away from the half-assed kisser and probably went to grab another drink in an attempt to wipe away the memory of nobody really wanting to kiss me passionately to ring in the New Year. Then Mr. TB showed up. I guess I really was feeling sassy because I told him that, had he arrived two minutes earlier, he could have been my NYE kiss. Then we kissed. Then we did what is really inappropriate and kept kissing. Uh oh, PDA. We pretty much made out for a half hour or so in a crowded bar, while all of my friends snapped (hopefully only mental) photographs of the event for future black mail or mockery at the very least.

We made a stop at a hotel party with the Texans, where we took swigs of Goldschlager and continued to be sort of all over each other. Us being all over each other did not stop the Texan Don Juan from attempting to play footsie with me. Classy. Mr. M came up and found us, asking for my keys so he could get Miss J home, she was pretty drunk. He and Mr. H walked her up to the apartment, with a bad slip on the way, apparently. Mr. TB and I made it up there too, where we continued to make out in the doorway while those three were making it up here. I think it is most awkward because Mr. TB is Mr. M's best friend. Mr. M is Miss J's brother. All awkward. Anyway, that was how we all rang in the New Year. We tucked Miss J in and all went to bed or went home.

January 1st was a day of zero productivity. Miss J and I lounged on the couch and watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer all day. I am, at this point in time, 1/4 the way through season 3 of 7 or 8. To be honest, that has been sort of descriptive of most of my days since returning. Considering I am underemployed, there has been plenty of time to lie around and watch Buffy. I had never watched it before, but Miss J is an enabler.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Return to the Fatherland

I've decided to provide some highlights from my trip to California:

  • After numerous delays, I arrived at the San Francisco airport to see my friend Miss ML, visiting from China. We spent the day gallavanting around the city, doing some shopping, some dining, and some much needed catching up. There is definitely a temptation to just pack up and move to Shanghai for a few months, but that would be rather rash.
  • Seeing my half-sisters whom I had not seen since they were approximately 1 and 4 years old. It is weird to think that my existence has probably had little to no effect on their lives and who they are today. It is weird to think that we have perhaps 1/2 the same genes, but don't know each other at all.
  • Meeting my half-brother for the first time. He's 7. I guess it's the mild autism that made our bonding pretty shallow, but apparently the fact that he chose to emulate me on occasion meant that he thought pretty highly of me. And hey - whoa - I have a brother.
  • Bonding with my step-mom, whom I once considered to be evil. You know, step-mothers have a bad reputation anyway. We enjoyed many a mimosa and some other beverages that loosen one up and encourage friendly discourse.
  • Seeing my grandma, snacking on some ginger snaps (so nostalgic), and feeling like things are at least somewhat ok.
  • On the last day in town, having a real conversation with the dad, though brief. I sort of set things up to not be too talkative when my rules of engagement included "we are not to rehash the past" and "we are not to speak of my mom." We also had some moments here and there when we realized we had similarities, it was sort of tender.
  • For Christmas, getting a coach coin purse and an iPod touch. Oh, welcome technology. This very moment listening to music courtesy of Mr. TB. More on that another time.
Now, this next story is only somewhat related to the California trip, as it didn't occur in California, but during the layover on my way back to Alaska.

Remember Mr. MM? I was fairly enamored with him, and when he called me out of the blue just before thanksgiving and asked such poignant questions as, "are you still just as beautiful?" I was really missing what we had. I contacted him when I was working out the details for the trip and we made a deal to hang out during my 8ish hour layover in Seattle, where he's been hanging his hat lately.

Mr. MM picked me up at the airport and I hopped into the giant Alaska-mobile, which was a beat up old pickup with a camper on the back. We started catching up immediately and very soon stumbled across the conversation of him seeing someone. There is a huge possibility, almost an inevitability that had I known he was seeing someone, I would not have suggested we spend the hours between 11:30pm and 5:00am together. No choice at that point, I suppose. We went to The Whisky Bar in downtown Seattle where I was introduced to drinking both scotch and bourbon with nothing but a few ice cubes. I had served whiskey and scotch this way before, but had generally maintain that scotch smells (and likely tastes) much like a used band-aid. I am determined/stubborn so I drank that shit anyway. Actually, I passed the Laphroig back to Mr. MM and just sipped on my one shot of Basil Hayden's. We were having fun, even despite the brief conversation which included Mr. MM implying that I am irrational. We later went to the Five-Point and had a bit to eat and another drink, talking and laughing and enjoying each other's company. While spending some time just outside the 5-point we were chain smoking cigarettes and talking about relationships, he said he wants to have children. Now. At this age. With this girlfriend. And, though it gives me away for having a preference for dating older men, he told me that in 12 years, I'd want the same. To be honest, the conversation was really good because - hey - I'm definitely not ready to have babies right now and he is at an age when baby-having is pretty reasonable and best not put off much longer. I'm glad he's found a future baby-mama. Once we started to feel the cold seeping under our nigh-impervious Alaskan skin, we walked back to the beast of a vehicle and headed out to West Seattle, where the hat hangs, and drank a little more beer and crashed for an hour before I was returned to the airport to finish my trip back to Juneau.

Another note or two related to the trip:

  • I hate milk runs.
  • I hate weather related delays.
  • I hate overnights at airports (but the children's play area wins for place to stay).
  • I hate having to spend money at airports.
  • I hate being tired while traveling (and leaving my boarding pass and passport on a bench, lucky that someone flagged me down to return those valuable documents).
  • I hate tourist seasons.
  • I hate Wrangell.
  • I hate people who think only of themselves and not of the consequences their selfishness might have on other people on the plane who want to friggin' get home and not sit in Wrangell on the plane for 2+ hours.

Playing Catch-Up

And where have I been?

Right, so I mentioned this trip to California to visit family. Did that, survived that, made it back to Alaska in one piece and without attacking fellow airline passengers. That last bit took some restraint. Now I am here, have survived New Year's Eve and have entered the new year as - well - a bum.

I haven't been UNemployed in a long time, but I am again UNDERemployed and I wish that would be over, especially since I just spent my ENTIRE BONUS purchasing my round trip flight to Minneapolis to attend a friend's wedding in ONE MONTH. Sorry for all the capital letters. I've just had a couple shots of espresso and I feel like my life's little problems are particularly pressing.

It's quite difficult for me right now to put my thoughts in any sort of relevant order, so bear with me as I try to spill on the last two weeks of life. I may practice some self control and schedule these updates to occur over the next few days. Look at me, I'm learning and growing as a blogger, isn't it cute?