Tuesday, December 23, 2008

If this is karma...

If this is karma, I say "No fair!"

What have I done to deserve this? Broken a few hearts? That's life. Partied too hard? That's youth. Committed genocide? Wait, no. Come on, I'm not such a bad person!

Just so you know the score:

Weather - 2
Melissa - 0

Weather - 3-5
Melissa - 0

This morning I hit the snooze button for an hour, yes, an hour. I then got up and while listening to WTF-up with Jessie on the radio I was informed that it was finally snowing in Alaska. I was actually sort of jealous of my Washingtonian and Oregonian friends who have been trudging through inches to feet of snow. I mean, I moved to Alaska, I should be the one who gets to whine about the frustrations of snowfall, not those wimps "down South." Well, now we're getting ours. But wait, I want to fly out of here. Please?

Here is where the weather gained its points against me though:

I can't recall whether or not I've complained about the ice. I'm sure in the past I have, but I will complain right now. Right by the Fisherman's building there is a big patch of ice, nay, a miniature glacier. The miniature glacier is something I do my best to avoid everyday because it, unlike our real glaciers, has not been receding. Today was no different. Except today, there was snow on our Fisherman's Glacier (not its official name) and today there was another person on the sidewalk. This had me absent-mindedly walking directly on the Fisherman's Glacier. And when I say walking I really mean slipping. I fell. I fell hard. It was jarring and I think my spine compressed. I am probably an inch shorter now. It also hurt. I had this nice older lady stop to ask if I was ok - after a moment of moaning and assessing the pain in my back I mumbled that I would be fine and accepted her helping hand in standing up. That's one.

I hobbled to work, considering it a miracle that, while my back hurts, my ankle was not re-injured. I grabbed my coffee from Heritage and I walked across the street, up to the office, and I got settled in. Now, don't ask me why, but I happened to feel my butt. Ok, I think I was just pulling up my pants. Anyway, my fingers grazed a texture that was unfamiliar to me. 'What is this texture,' I thought, 'it feels like strings laid over cotton.' Oh, right, because it is. That's right, dear friends, I split my friggin' pants. Right down the seam. That strange texture, definitely strings on cotton. I am just thankful I did laundry recently so I wasn't stuck going commando. And in case you weren't counting: That's two.

Luckily, I am the type of person who can find humor in splitting her pants after a fall. I can also find consolation in the fact that, when telling my hilarious and fresh anecdote to my co-worker, he shared that he slipped and fell in the exact same spot. We also both commented that we knew of the existence of the Fisherman's Glacier and felt pretty stupid for having slipped on it.

I am projecting that the weather will get at least one to three more points on me, as it is only 9:30am. I'm dreading flight delays and cancellations, preparing myself mentally to spend Christmas in Juneau instead of heading to the Bay Area to visit family, see my friend visiting from China, and spend some time with the infamous Mountain Man of the summer.

I am also projecting the following statistics:

Likelihood of Melissa slipping and falling again: 76.3%
Likelihood of Melissa getting frostbite walking between office and home: 2.1%
Likelihood of Melissa being lost in a blizzard: 3.4%
Likelihood of Melissa freezing to death in her sleep because of a cracked window: 5.8%
Likelihood of Melissa consuming whiskey if her flight is cancelled: 51.0%
Likelihood of Melissa loudly and publicly cursing the weather: 89.3%

The margin of error is +/- 4.2%
My credentials as a statistician: I took Statistics in college. I got an A.

I guess maybe the bum luck today is just balancing out the great joy I felt last night upon receiving an e-mail telling me that I would receive a bonus from the campaign job. Yeah, winning! That should ensure my survival for the next X days while I am under-employed, since today is my last day saving the oceans (for now). Since I finally came to terms with the fact that I would be under-employed and that I can't assume I'll get a DC job with Mark B, the other enviro-job, or a job with the state legislature, I went on idealist.org last night and applied for 6 different awesome jobs all over the country. Yes, I know, I love Juneau, but the top jobs listed on the Empire's site were not up to par and the state's job site, AlexSys kept kicking me back to the same page in an exercise in perpetual repetition. I wanted to make a nice metaphor here, but after twenty minutes of browsing through wikipedia articles on string theory and wormhole physics, my brain told me to give it up.

Today, I may have to do something really nice for someone else, hoping to improve my karma. Did you know that if you donate to the HRC before January 20th you get a nifty scarf? Or if you buy these really ugly shoes, some kid in a third world country will also get a pair of really ugly shoes. Or maybe I'll just give the bums free pizza again.


Melissa Leeanne said...

Weather - 3
Melissa - 0

The dry cold of late has induced some nose bleeding. Sexy? I know.

Sharon said...

Ok, those shoes are kind of ugly... but those wrap boots they have on there are COOL.

PS Awesome, nosebleed.