Friday would have marked the end. I could have walked away from the campaign with some glowing letters of recommendation but I'll tell you what I would have left without: my dignity.
I have been tolerating the behavior of Mr. Boss for way too long. I kept telling myself that I could make it a little longer because I really wanted Mark to win. I held on each and every day, held onto the fact that I was doing something good, held on to the fact that the days left were diminishing, held on to the fact that I would be a part of history... but now that the last ballots have been cast, what reason do I have to tolerate senseless yelling and disrespect?
Is tolerating such degrading behavior worth a letter of recommendation? Not in my eyes. Maybe it's dignity. Maybe it's pride. Maybe it is just stubbornness, but whatever trait made me say those fateful words, "I QUIT" and walk out... I don't feel any remorse.
Mr. Boss called multiple times. Ignored. He texted me that I had left things there. I got my stereo back, but I've given up on my V8 juice and a rain jacket. I know that Mr. Boss knows I am a good person. I have tolerated all this, tried to be friendly, lent him my spare cell phone when his phone broke, and I have bought him dinner and been nothing but a good person. He tried to convince me to un-quit and he would tell them I came back. Did I mention that the moment I quit he told K and B - the next higher ups. Not that it surprised me, but he did it immediately. I thought about it, but then I realized that he was appealing to my sympathetic nature, when even if he didn't yell and scream anymore, he had learned no lesson. He knows that by behaving remotely civilly for the remainder of the time, he could significantly lessen his burden. I decided to stand by my decision for a few reasons:
1) I will not suffer more to relieve the suffering of someone who has made me suffer for so long, he has not earned my sympathy or pity.
2) I quit because I could not tolerate his behavior any longer, why on earth would I even give him yet another chance to treat me like less than a human?
3) I said I quit, and I am a woman of principles, a woman of my word, and perhaps a very stubborn woman. I may have thought about waffling, but I didn't in the end.
I called Mr. CC to see if he could give me a good reason to stay and deal with it. That reason didn't exist. A letter of recommendation? Not worth this.
But it's not all bad. I mean, not everything in the world is this bad. I am proud to be an American again. I feel like, right now, I could go back to Europe and when I hear people saying terrible things about America I can point out that we are redeeming ourselves.
And not that I'm necessarily an Alaskan, but I don't know yet if I can be proud of the decisions made here. Certainly not proud that McCain/Palin won the state, though I'm not surprised. Not proud that Don Young has defeated Ethan Berkowitz and I am surprised. I am also surprised and upset that the race between Mark and Ted Stevens is so close with Ted in the lead. I will be embarrassed if Alaska elects a convicted felon. I may have to walk away from all this.
In other news, I guess Merkley won in Oregon. At least the home state is sane. Can't quite say the same of my birthplace though. Really appalled that California voted YES on Prop 8. Really, America, are we really incapable of tolerating differences like this? Maybe I'm still a little embarrassed of America and our intolerance and sometimes dubious decisions.
Open mic night at the alaskan. Miss L's musical ensemble is playing tonight. There are some pints on special. I think that the day can be salvaged.
After the polls closed Tuesday I had to stay at the DOE until nearly midnight. After midnight I brought the uneaten victory pizzas to the Alaskan, giving one to some bums along the way, and I was comforted by Mr. Obama C and Mr. I and Miss PR. I also went and saw Mr. CPP who was behaving much more affectionately than is normal for our public appearances. I don't really know what is going on with this one. It's fun, but Miss P thinks that I may be making some sort of dire mistake. She accused me of being a romantic. I've never really considered myself to be a romantic, but sometimes friends can be very observant and perhaps note things about us that we cannot see ourselves. Maybe I am just getting myself into trouble.
Open mic has started. It's a rather forceful version of Elliot Smith's Needle in the Hay. Kind of like Elliot Smith meets Kurt Cobain and Billy Corgan. Weird. I like the song still though. As things are beginning, I feel that I ought to wrap up this emo rambling.