Life could not be more complicated. I wish I were more decisive, more confident, more capable of saying 'hell no."
Wednesday was the Rotaract Charter Party, which I ended up planning mostly on my own due to the inability to motivate other people to get in on the planning. I got Mr. S to suggest we do the exact same thing as our initial meeting, which seemed like the best option due to our small budget, short period of time for planning, and the simple nature of planning such a thing. So in the week leading up to the event, I managed to shoot off a dozen e-mails asking - no - demanding that people do this or that or the other thing. I designed an invitation which was later aesthetically butchered without my approval and I wrote a speech which I never gave. I even almost didn't make it into the group picture of the charter members, despite being the charter president. Yes, a lot of my interactions with the club sometimes feel like a big "fuck you" despite the effort I did and still put in, but I was charter president for a reason - I cared about the club and I still do. I convinced Mr. R to attend, hoping more of my friends would have made it and feeling slightly bad that he attended an event which wasn't nearly as exciting as I'd have liked it to be. Oh well. I had also been working on convincing an occasional dance partner of mine to attend, but he was feeling under the weather and couldn't attend.
So it goes.
Thursday was my day off and was almost entirely wasted but also entirely enjoyed. I slept until 1pm without any effort, which is uncharacteristic for me, actually. I then spent some time hanging out with Miss J, and then Miss P when she showed up. We had big plans for the evening, but when we started drinking wine at 4pm those plans diminished to... just drinking wine. We consumed an obscene amount, descending into a state of giddy wine-drunkenness. When her BF came over, I am certain we scared him off with our absurd behavior and incessant giggling.
Friday morning was, therefore, unpleasant. I went to work at the 'Vous and managed to survive the day with a minimal hangover despite the excessive wine consumption. When I got off work I went shopping (oh no) and then went home to nap and laze about and then ended up making plans with a former fling. My main complaint had been his lack of phone etiquette or something along those lines so I was surprised and happy to oblige when he called to invite me to go see the JUMP film festival. At first I had felt that his best friend was proving to be the better date, but he pulled it together fairly well. We actually had fun but I just don't think the chemistry is there anymore.
I ran into a friend who told me that Mr. A would be back in town. It has been about a month and a half since he left town, since we last complicated my life (not going to speak for his). I said, "Good, great, fantastic" or something uncomfortable but meant to be cheerful.
Saturday morning was another beautiful day at the 'Vous, in which I had my own personal regular and then the former fling who is trying to make a comeback. That was a fun pairing, then there was the phone call. My phone rings and it is Mr. A, back that morning, calling me. I know that anyone who follows this must think that I am the biggest idiot to have ever walked the earth because of my un-ending and unreasonable devotion to this mysterious character. I probably am. I saw him that afternoon and was faced with the same overwhelming wave of melancholy at the state of our relationship, in my mind convincing myself that the next time I see him I'll demand that we hash things out and figure out where we stand. Ah, the love-hate relationship. Ah, my inability to walk away. Ah, my naivety and stupidity.
Saturday evening I went to the going away party for Mr. D, whom I'll be sad to see go. He's been a good friend too tons of people in this town, as evidenced by the very well attended party. I knew at least a handful of the people and eventually invited Miss C to come, despite not knowing Mr. D. It was actually kind of nice to have someone there to talk with, whom I didn't feel like I was holding back at all. Knowing so few people myself I found myself sometimes overwhelmed with the number of people I didn't know while in between conversations. Somehow I still feel so awkward being alone in crowded places. I've been working on that for years and I still can't get over it.
Miss C and I went back to my place to change into cuter clothes and then went to the Alaskan for some live music. We had fun sitting and sipping on cocktails as well and chatting, though both of us began to feel rather tired. We decided that dancing was in order and went out on the dance floor where Miss C and I were at some point whisked off to dance by a Fin and a photographer respectively. We actually called it a night at least an hour before bar close and I, having had some energy drink, thought I was still awake, but fell asleep 15 minutes into Swordfish.
Sunday I slept late, worked at the 'Vous, and was happy when Miss J came to keep me company. I ended up staying out later than I had intended hanging out with Miss J. When I got home I went straight to bed and set my alarm. I woke up on time and was ready to go, but once again I've botched my carpool schedule and have missed a day of work. I hope things go back to a regular schedule again, consistency certainly has its nice qualities.
At least I was able to go back to sleep, it was quite enjoyable to just hop back into bed and go back to sleep.