In good news, I have a new bed. New to me, at least. I bought it from a newspaper ad. It is a full bed with a pillow-top, I put my queen sheets on it, a queen comforter, and two pillows so it has become this giant mass of cotton sateen fluff in one corner of my room. It's all chocolate brown and teal and when I make the pillows out of Miss L's and my former togas, there will be some green in there too. The only thing that could make my room more glorious right now is if it were clean...
The scary thing about this is that, overall, I spent nearly $250 between buying a bed and buying the comforter, duvet, and pillows... that doesn't include the $60 I spent on the sheets back when I was living at my old place... $300 spent on something that I could not take with me if I left Juneau, $300 on something that makes my stay in Juneau feel less than temporary.
Everything else in my life feels pretty temporary. I'm in a temp position, I seem to have had a temp boyfriend of sorts, and I feel like my tolerance of a mostly meaningless existence will soon be at an end. At this point I can choose between picking up and going somewhere else, doing something else, or being miserable.
I was looking at idealist.org and I discovered some jobs that would relate to my German minor/obsession. They were all in New York City, which brings me again to an obsession with the city. It feels like, whatever I want, it exists in that city. The grad programs I adore, the jobs I would like, the culture, the excitement, the anonymity, the fashion... what doesn't this city have?
I'm becoming less and less sure about my plan to move to Denmark next fall, obviously. It just seems difficult because I can make more money here where I speak the language, where I have all of the proper documentation to work, where I can utilize resources like idealist.org, connections I have, and where I will not have to worry about switching to a stronger currency.
I'm worried that Sunday night will have been the last time spent with Mr. MM. I want to steal a bit more of his time before he leaves town, but with things like packing and visiting other friends in mind - I am trying not to expect to be the highest priority. Considering how well known he is in this town and how much everyone seems to adore him, I believe I've spent more of his time than perhaps I deserved? Who was I anyway, but a brief summer fling?
I've concluded that the best way to survive these long days on so little sleep (since I cannot seem to get to bed early enough) is to eat a snack or something every couple hours. Freeze dried miso and dried fruit are proving to be my best friends. A cup of coffee didn't hurt. Or that I got to bed before 10pm. I'm feeling more productive today than I might usually. The music helps too. And that I finally bought better headphones rather than using the creative-engineering genius that saved the soup cans impersonating earbuds I had before.
Well, this is shorter than usual, but I haven't got much to say aside from what I've said. Things are quiet when you wake up at 3am.