Thursday, June 26, 2008

Could have been one of these things first...

I could have been a sailor, could have been a cook
A real live lover, could have been a book.
I could have been a signpost, could have been a clock
As simple as a kettle, steady as a rock.
I could be
Here and now
I would be, I should be
But how?
I could have been
One of these things first
I could have been
One of these things first.

I could have been your pillar, could have been your door
I could have stayed beside you, could have stayed for more.
Could have been your statue, could have been your friend,
A whole long lifetime could have been the end.
I could be yours so true
I would be, I should be through and through
I could have been
One of these things first
I could have been
One of these things first.

I could have been a whistle, could have been a flute
A real live giver, could have been a boot.
I could have been a signpost, could have been a clock
As simple as a kettle, steady as a rock.
I could be even here
I would be, I should be so near
I could have been
One of these things first
I could have been
One of these things first.


Thank goodness I'm not to the point where I am concerned about what I could have been, rather, I'm at the point to decide what I will be. One thing I will not be: File Clerk. Lamest job ever, even with music. Music definitely helps though - my productivity was up like 1000% or something (a rough estimate not formulated by a real statistician).

I'm constantly discovering things that I could be, which leaves me in much the same place as I was right when I graduated... I don't have the singular dream that so many have, the desire to be of one profession, the desire to do something so badly you will stop at nothing. Mr. MM was telling me, the last time we spent any substantial amount of time together, about how he had wanted to do X so badly that, despite some pretty daunting obstacles, he has done it. It was at the same time inspiring and condemning - not as in Mr. MM condemning me, but just a feeling of being condemned to mediocrity swept over me. I dug deep in my conscious and subconscious mind for some dream to work toward - nothing definite - bits and pieces of possibilities.

On a lighter note - perhaps it is my curse that I am good at many things but that I don't really excel much in any one - it's helpful in a lot of situations though! To improve my productivity I brought in the good ol' first generation iPod mini. I had the misfortune of busting my headphones on a flight and as I had been plugging the little green hunk of technology into speakers for the most part, I hadn't replaced them. It suddenly became a huge priority to have speakers, but not so huge a priority that I managed to go somewhere and buy speakers or headphones. When I ran into my roommate last night, I asked her if she had some I could borrow - she said she did but that they were pretty bad. She was so right. You know the concept of shoving the square peg into the round hole and how it really doesn't work? How about trying to stick a large round peg into an ear-like hole. Not only is it ineffective, it is also uncomfortable. I survived mild discomfort and inconvenience for the ferry ride and the bus ride but my first task of the day was to engage in some creative engineering. I, using common paper clips, fashioned little ear hooks for the unwieldy ear-buds. It's set up so, resembling the logarithmic spiral of a nautilus shell, it is able to hook over my ear, allowing the ear-buds to dangle next to my ear, rather than wedged uncomfortably in my inner ear. Could have been an engineer...

One of the geologists brought in a really old book he had purchased for a dollar at some junk sale. It was a religious reference text of sorts from 19th century Germany. It was in that really annoying script, Fraktur, which was really common in Germany in the past. It contained hymns and was the sort of reference that a pastor would use if he decided one day that he wanted to give a sermon on a specific subject and he wanted to quickly find scripture relating to the given theme. It's got a photo of Martin Luther in the front and the thing is dense. I didn't put much effort into reading it because the Fraktur would have put undue strain on my eye. We also talked about the history of knowledge and how little a life a guy must have to write a book so in depth as that - seriously, a guy wrote a very compact book titled "The History of Knowledge." This leads me to believe that I could have been an academic.

One thing I cannot be, at least for any extended period of time, is a person who works a job that requires an obscenely early wake-up. I cherish my social life a little too much and end up staying up and out far too late. Last night, for example, I met Miss MO for dinner and when I showed up she had a pitcher of beer for us. Then we had a couple G&Ts after that, when I went to the AK to exchange debit cards, as our lovely bartender Mr. L had switched them by accident. I didn't know there was anyone else in town suffering from having a WaMu account in a place with no WaMu.

I was mistaken for someone else last night. Once again, someone who may not always make sound decisions. Let's just hope that my reputation does not get marred any more than it deserves. I do know that I am fully capable of marring it on my own.

Quote from Miss S in NC: "Drunk texting is the new drunk dialing."

I was on the verge of giving up on the summer romance with Mr. MM when my drunken persona decided to go out on a limb, sending a drunk text declaring my adoration and asking for his declaration of a desire and intent to spend time with me in the near future. When I woke up (not too late) this morning I had received a text message in response that eased my troubled mind.

Oh, something else I could have been: A biologist. Maybe a zoologist. Maybe that would give me the background to study why the heck a bear POOPED on the dock. I was pondering with Miss K the possibilities for bowel control and for the existence of feelings like modesty or embarrassment in bears. Reasonable questions, yes? Yes. Also, the night shift guys were trying to distract the attention of day-shifters to get them to step in the huge pile of poop. Funny stuff.

Note: I do not mean to imply that I believe this song to be in any way about pondering one's career choices. Nick Drake totally didn't consider being a sign post, even if he had the slight frame for it.

1 comment:

Sharon said...

Ugh I feel the same way about being multi-talented and interested in so many things that I have no idea what I want to do, so I'm going no where and not liking it. What the heck are we going to do with our lives?