Friday, May 9, 2008

It's official, I will never have a healthy relationship.

I should submit a Public Service Announcement or something. Melissa Leeanne will never have a healthy relationship - if you were considering involvement with Melissa, please reconsider - either you or she will fuck everything up. It is also possible that a third party will play a role in fucking everything up.

In better news, I begin training as a bartender/barista this afternoon. In about 40 minutes, actually. In not as exciting news, if I am to use free wireless, I will be spending almost every day of my life at Silverbow. I had attempted to use wi-fi at both Heritage and the public library, but for some reason fate just wants me to overdose on bagels.

The days have been flowing together, full of job-seeking, wi-fi seeking, romance seeking, and drinking with friends. I've spent time with Miss P, Mr. M, Miss L since she returned to town, Mr. L some, and select others.

I had managed to begin forging something which had potential as a healthy relationship but I think it is over now. I think I am doomed to eternal singledom or to stupid worthless relationships. Here's the problem: The eligible bachelor is the former crush/fling of a close friend. That we ever began something that surpassed the platonic was just a matter of chemistry, of sexual tension that was thick enough to be tangible, it was like existing in a viscous atmosphere of awkward attraction.

It happened again.

And once again.

Less awkward, more natural, comfortable, and containing some amount of hope or something like that. I looked forward to seeing him, and I like to think he looked forward to seeing me. There were no labels. There was no pressure. It was pure. We enjoyed the company of one another. We enjoyed the intimacy with one another. We would have continued if it weren't for the demand of said mutual friend, who had every right to be upset, that matters be discussed, dissected, disclosed... I have to remind myself constantly that not everyone is as detached from emotion and irrationality as I am. My world is full of calculations and logic and avoiding getting too attached to anything.

Now, I have no idea what is going on, probably nothing, probably pretending like nothing ever happened. It's probably better that way.

Spending time with the new roommate, Miss J, I have been discovering that we have a ton in common, from similar nervous habits to a love for John Cusack films. I think we'll work out well as roommates. So far, so good.

I am always reminded of how wonderful a friend Miss P is, when she demands that we discuss an issue over drinks, when she is always there and always understanding and rational. We have a tendency to keep a lot of crazy company, but the two of us tend to think a lot more similarly. It works well. We went to the Imperial last night and had $3 Watermelontinis - the cheapest drinks you'll find in town, basically. We were hanging out with Mr. M and one of his friends as well until we went back to my place and all crashed for the night.

Today I wandered around way too much and practiced bartending for about an hour and a half. I poured colored water into glasses, counting to 4, trying to perfect the art of pouring a shot. I also know how to make a good Bloody Mary thanks to my bartending mentor.

Once off my "shift" I had a drink and tried to brush off an old drunk who commented on my beauty and asked if I was Czech. I am waiting around for the updated price list so I can study it and become the best bartender ever. Something like that.

1 comment:

Myron Davis said...

Yay!! Congratulations you can join me in the whole "I will never have a healthy relationship" club! :)

It is nice to have company isn't it!!!!

One thing you've got going for you.. you're not ancient and OLD like me :P.