Monday, March 31, 2008

Wine, crashing prom, and plans...

Saturday was certainly not my most productive day, but it was not my least productive. I did at least a couple things which were productive, including enjoying the sunshine, walking around in my sandals and volunteering at the local radio station.

In the evening there was roommate bonding when Miss L and Mr. L and I had dinner at the Hangar. It was, as our times together tend to be, amusing.

After that, Miss L and I went downtown, but Miss L left after only a very brief period of time. I went to the Alaskan and was hanging out with Mr. K, but not really enjoying myself all that much for some reason. Mr. K and I decided to wander, which led us to the Rendezvous, which was sadly quite dead. While we were peeking inside Mr. PH caught sight of us and ran out to join us. We were walking around when Mr. PH suggested we crash the UAS Prom at the Baranof. Since Mr. AT would be working, I consented to go. We sat at the bar and had some drinks (I had water, actually) and talked about random stuff and the boys helped themselves to some hors d'oeuvre. One of the items looked to me like a fetus, which I verbalized right after Mr. K had taken a bite. I'm so sweet, I know. Mr. N showed up, because Mr. AT was working, and so I ended up hanging out with him. When Mr. K and Mr. PH decided to head back out to the normal bars, I stayed behind with Mr. N, where we concocted some plan and spent the rest of the night attempting to make it happen. Strangely enough, the most crowded place that night was the Viking, one of the creepier bars downtown. It was packed full of people who had been at the legislative skits before. Mr. N and I concluded that our plans were fruitless, decided to try again the next day, and had a drink instead. We walked back to my place and talked for a few minutes before he walked home. Miss L had fallen asleep on the couch and awakened when we came in. I offered to tuck her into bed, she went to her room, and then came out and lurked in the kitchen for a few minutes. I suppose it would make more sense to my audience if all the facts were available... it may be that Miss L and I are both somewhat interested in Mr. N and that we may both be vying for his attention. One night, when Mr. N and I had been chatting and flirting a bunch, Miss L had told me that she gets really competitive and that I shouldn't get offended if she starts behaving in such a way. Apparently it wasn't just that night or not just while drunk, it is apparently even in the wee hours of the night in a sleepy haze. Generally, my decision would be to just give up all hopes of involvement with a guy if the competition were between Miss L and Me - she's kind of a catch, but as I am also kind of a catch, I decided I cannot entirely give up.

Sunday I worked a few hours, then walked home and decided to take a nap before going to volunteer at the radio station again. I met up with Miss J and we sat around for an hour waiting for phones to ring for the pledge drive, not receiving any really. We were told we could go home an hour early, so we parted ways. I had had plans with Mr. N, but he bailed. Now I feel like it is the time to concede to Miss L. I've got enough of a mess to deal with as it is, what with Mr. A's untimely re-entry. He is supposedly going to call this week, but I shan't hold my breath. I have heard that people don't change, so if he has behaved in a way which is not pleasing to me, I should probably just give up...

I haven't been as productive today as I had planned, but I may have a new and brilliant idea for a job. More on that if it goes anywhere, I don't want to jinx myself. I am also heading back to the radio station so I can learn how to DJ and perhaps have my own show. Maybe I'll maintain a solo show, or maybe I should get Miss P to join me.

I have to say, Miss P has become one of my best friends, but I know that this term is not often loosely tossed around, so when Miss P referred to me as her best friend (at least one of them) I felt really happy that I had reached this level with someone in Juneau after my 10 months here, I consider Miss P to be my best friend here in Juneau too.

Not that my sister wants to be included in this soap opera of a blog, but she is now included, as is her "friend-boy" with whom I spoke last night. My sister and I have a lot of the same issues when it comes to relations with the opposite sex - I won't get into analyzing it but we have gotten ourselves reputations as being commitment-phobic. My sister has finally managed to break that cycle with her "friend-boy" who cannot be referred to as a "boyfriend" because the connotations might end the relationship. I haven't met "friend-boy" yet, but from my conversations with him on the phone (he answers her phone sometimes) he seems like a great guy, and I'm thrilled for her. He asked me how the man situation was in Juneau and I told him about my nice-guy/douchebag issue and about the odds-are-good/goods-are-odd phenomenon. So, this is a general apology to the nice guys, whom I have "friended" and a request for forgiveness. Having admitted that I have this "problem" one would think that the next step would be to fix it, but if you hadn't noticed, that isn't happening. Cheers to bad decisions!

Saturday, March 29, 2008

(Re)kindling a flame - literal and metaphorical.

Last night turned out better than I had expected and had some interesting twists and turns. I claimed I'd be passive, but I did what I generally do and called Miss P to see what she was up to. She told me that her sister and her friend would be heading to a bonfire and I decided to go along, encouraging Mr. L to do the same. We headed to the liquor store and met Miss P there. Mr. L bought some beer while Miss P and I brought back the Schnapps (to be mixed with hot chocolate!).

We headed out to Sandy Beach and set up a bonfire, Mr. AT was there, though we didn't have any lovely conversations in German. Mr. N was there and we chatted a bit, though I can't tell where we stand after the birthday bash night. I spent a lot of the evening chatting with a Mr. B, whom I had met nearly two years ago at Miss L's apartment in Oregon. We made eye contact across the fire and gestured wildly to indicate the recognition. Another fun part of the bonfire experience was nabbing some pallets from some high school kids, and an old Christmas tree from some very young kids. We then managed to make our fire last past midnight, which as we'd discover at around 12:30 am was not necessarily a good thing. An officer showed up and spotlighted our bonfire site, so with our now diminished numbers we began to kick sand onto the embers hoping to put out the fire completely. The two youngsters ran off, guided by the wise directions of we older and more experienced adults to stop running in the spotlight, "left! LEFT!" The officer came and gave those of us remaining a lecture about bonfires, curfews, city v. state parks, and glass bottles. Nobody got in trouble but we had to say goodbye to our peaceful evening of looking at the stars, singing jumbled Peter, Paul and Mary songs, and drinking.

After that, we took our smoky selves downtown, where we scattered, ending up at either the Rendezvous or the Alaskan, depending on one's preference for music and company. Deering & Down or Bluegrass 101 (now known as The Greatest Alaskan Bluegrass Band or some such nonsense). I was very amused to see no less than four of my former flings at the Alaskan, amused but not surprised. I was also greatly amused at what I believe to have been attempted advances made by a gentleman I serve at my job. I accepted a couple drinks and provided my company, but when the advances grew too strong I found myself suddenly needing to join Mr. A and his friend for a cigarette break. I had sworn recently that I'd never smoke another, but the timing was right. I do believe I had sworn off Mr. A entirely, citing his inability to make time for me, but when he looked so happy to see me and greeted me with that sincere apology and gave me those big puppy eyes... I found myself falling under that spell once again. I spent the rest of the evening chatting with him and his friend, trying to brush off Mr. PH, who was being flirtatious as he sometimes can be, and casting the occasional glance at Mr. C who seemed content enough with his fellow thespians. I won't claim that things with Mr. A are perfect, I still feel completely overlooked when certain topics come up or when certain people come around. He was speaking so animatedly with Miss L about something I had tried to pry out of him that I just wanted to ask him why he couldn't give a little more of himself to me. Questions and requests and accusations welled up in my mind through most of the night, but it was not the time nor the place. I can't decide if I can handle further pursuit of this relationship because I don't know if I'll get all that I deserve out of it. There are moments when I am enamored with him and his passion and his intelligence and his nature, but other times I wish he could just be a little more flawed in those areas so he could be a little more whole in others. If only I could just have his undivided attention for more than just the brief period of time before we go to sleep. I want everyone else to disappear from the world for a day so that I can have him to myself for once. Selfish? It does sound that way...

Today I'm meant to work on a sketch or two of an invitation for a community outreach event and also volunteer at the KTOO pledge drive. I am glad I have some productive things to do and a deadline for something, rather than spending the entirety of my day lounging and contemplating my destiny as a cat lady.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Another spontaneous idea:

So, sometimes I can be really spontaneous. Kind of like when I decided to move to Alaska. It's getting to be about that time again. I'm tired of my job, I've had very little luck finding another "real" job, and I will be gone for two weeks from April 19th until May 4th visiting family and friends in Oregon. At yesterday's seminar I had a woman tell me that I should come work for her in Dyea - a ghost town near Skagway - she runs a B&B there. At first I thought it was an awful idea, but suddenly, today, it seemed brilliant. I think I might move to an even more isolated and random location, work a job that will probably be more active and less dull, and not pay rent! It has so much potential. I think I may look into trying to bartend in Skagway too, as it is only 8.5 miles away, which I could manage on a bike.

Not dead, believe it or not.

Wow - more than a week and a half since the last update. Some may have guessed at death by hangover, but I was fine! I even managed to continually go out and be social for pretty much every other day of the week. I can hardly remember everything because it was pretty packed.

Tuesday after St. Paddy's I think I stayed in. If anyone begs to differ, feel free to comment.

Wednesday night was Miss L's last night in town before she left for a long weekend, so we went out on the town with Miss P and perhaps went a little overboard.

I swore I'd stay in Thursday but Mr. L invited me out to Open Mic at the Alaskan and I couldn't resist. Once I got there, I kind of wished I had, but that's another issue entirely.

Friday night was Miss R's birthday celebration, so after a pleasant pre-funk at home with Miss P and Mr. L we went to the Rendezvous, where we stayed for about 5 minutes because Miss R was headed to the Imperial. I think I may have mentioned how rarely I actually go to the Imperial, but tonight I was in a dancing mood and managed to dance most of the night. I was feeling pretty generous and bought more drinks for others than for myself and had a pretty hefty tab. I still have money in my account though, which is good since I don't get paid until this MONDAY even though it is a State holiday.

Saturday I bummed around most of the day rather than being productive, but then I met up with Miss P and we hiked up to Dan Moller cabin! We started the hike with jackets on, but realized very soon thereafter that it was ridiculous so I lost the jacket and made the hike in my fleece. I don't own snow pants (silly, I know) so I layered some leggings under my jeans. It worked fine until closer to the end of the trail when the snow, even where snow-mobiles had packed it down, was up to my hips. We, at this point, were getting pretty frustrated when we'd sink in to our hips almost every other step. We were making very little progress so we tried crawling over the snow. This less dignified method may have hurt the knees and the pride a bit, but it was much more efficient. We also spent a good 20 minutes sitting in despair, while the snow soaked through my clothing and my butt went numb. Cozy! We were really close to the cabin by this time and we actually passed it by a couple yards until Mr. M started yelling for us and then led us to the cabin, which was buried almost entirely. We had to walk into a sort of snow cave to get to the entrance.

Once we had arrived we changed into dry clothing and cooked some hot dogs, tapped the Heinekeg, and began the awesome birthday party. The other guest was Mr. Marshmallow Eyes (inside joke?) hereon Mr. ME. Many more had said they would come, but I don't think most were hardcore enough to make the hike. The nights festivities included eating cupcakes (with a candle on Miss P's), playing King's Cup, roasting marshmallows over candles, and pillow talk (my pillow was a fleece).

In the morning we eased out of bed and had some breakfast and melted snow to drink (since we had neglected to bring enough water). We had attempted to melt some last night, but as we were doing so in red cups, which got sort of melty and distorted, we feared that the State of California might deem it full of carcinogens. We instead melted smaller amounts of water in the little camp pots. Miss P and I took our sweet time that morning, even smoking a cigarette a piece from a pack we found in the cupboard (probably smoking the hanta virus) which gave us a ridiculous nicotine high, perhaps because we were sober and standing on a mountain and not smokers generally. We walked back down a little later in the afternoon, or I walked and Miss P snowboarded. It was a lot easier going down.

That evening I didn't really do much of anything, probably because I was tired!

Monday night Miss L, Mr. L and I spent the evening at home being silly. I was very productive and cleaned the kitchen. It is kind of funny if you know all of the circumstances involved, but you don't, and you won't!

Tuesday night is always my do nothing night, and this Tuesday night was no different, I think.

Wednesday night was Miss L's birthday bash. Oh my. What a bash. We had people over starting pretty early. Miss L and I must have planned it perfectly because the man to woman ratio was probably consistently 5:1. Hilarious. There were some pretty silly twister games, lots of drinking, eating of dishes brought by guests or provided by us, and even a bit of nudity. Mr. L did a bit of streaking, which caused a great deal of laughter in the pre-bar crowd. After we had had our fill of Summer Ale, sangria, or red wine, and food, those of us remaining headed to the Alaskan for some birthday shots and more fun. Everyone's favorite local blues musician was playing, so we had some great entertainment. We rallied some people for an after party at bar close and managed to all go back to our place where we continued to be noisy and raucous and even a bit scandalous. Mr. L got naked again and some kid who maybe knew someone who belonged at the party (?) grew very disturbed by the male nudity and was literally seething with anger, threatening to beat Mr. L up. Everyone tried to calm him down and we told him that Mr. L lives here so he had to choose between calming down or getting the hell out. No fights broke out, but I do believe there was jealousy, debauchery, and other sinful things until the wee hours of the morning. We had a few people stay over and I drove Miss P home early in the morning.

During the middle of this week I didn't go to work! You'd probably guess that I took some time off to spend on myself, but you'd be wrong. I took time off to attend the SE Conference Mid-Session Summit and a business seminar. I'm so grown up, I know. I also managed to sneak in an appointment or two, which is always nice.

Today I was back at work and not too thrilled about it, but it was a Friday, so I can't really complain. I am now lounging around, trying to decide what on earth to do tonight. I've got a nice invitation from Mr. D to go to a bonfire. I think Miss P and some other friends were thinking of doing a bonfire as well, but I don't know if it would really be appropriate to bring a zillion rowdy people to the bonfire planned by a friend of a friend... There's also downtown, and if I do the bar scene, I'll get the money owed to me sooner rather than later... and also spend some of it. Oh, decisions... We'll see who calls me and bugs me about making plans. I'll be passive tonight.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

All I really need to say:

All I really need to say is this:

2 green beers
1 guinness
2 shots of irish whiskey
1 pale
1 irish carbomb
1 rainier

Happy (non-catholic) St Patrick's Day.

Pre-funk with Mr. L, Miss P, and Mr. OC. Things got a bit messy when green food coloring got involved. I also slipped and fell in some mud, but Mr. OC was the only one who knew (until I posted it on the internet). We made sure to drink Irish beer and whiskey to have the most authentic evening possible. The pre-funk lasted a long time but then we went to go visit Miss L at her place of employment, here we played some air hockey (I'm really bad) and talked with the other people around. By the time we felt ready to go take on the world it was already nearly bar close, so we ran over to the Alaskan to find it locked. Good thing the bouncer likes me, he let us in so we were able to find out friends and then we had an after party at Miss T's place. I do believe I managed to avoid drinking any of the whiskey that was available, but I did manage to consume one more beer. At around 3 or so, forces beyond my control caused me to be both very drunk and very tired, so I decided to call a cab. It would have taken a half hour so I declared that I would walk and Mr. OC went with me. We actually found a cab and headed back to the Hardcore House (may undergo official name change) and had some pita chips and talked with Mr. L. Then I went to bed.

Today was one of those awful days, maybe I was still slightly drunk when I got up this morning... just maybe. I survived, somehow, and here I am at home and ready to just pass out whenever the sleep overcomes me. I turned down plans with Miss P and Mr. M so that I could observe my day of rest.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Lesson: Learned

Saturday night I started to feel antsy and did go out. I then found myself surrounded by lots of people, but not any of them were really good friends. I decided after hitting up the most common hot spots that I would go to the Bergmann where at least I knew the bartender. I had a couple drinks there and talked to Miss B on the phone before I decided to venture back out into the normal downtown scene. I walked back into the Alaskan and saw an acquaintance of mine I rarely see out, and we decided to go on a bit of an adventure. Mostly, we decided that we should buy cigarettes and then we wound up with a couple of beers as well, which we drank on the docks while talking about traveling Europe and communes and such things. After that we went to the Hangar, where we drank some more, and then we stopped at Pel'meni, which I've still only eaten twice in my life, and then walked back to my place because driving was out of the question and his ride had bailed on him. We both had to work at noon the next day so we went and had breakfast, tried to rehydrate and get rid of hangovers, and then I worked all day Sunday.

While at work I received some phone calls, one of them from a friend mentioned earlier, nicknamed Mr. BH for giving bear hugs. I had harassed him about not calling me for ages, so I was pretty surprised when he did call to invite me to see a movie. He picked me up and we went to the cinema, talking about living abroad and such. The movie we saw was the Bank Job (perfect for someone who works at a bank, right?) and I wish I had been more alert during the movie because I know I missed some valuable details. After the movie he dropped me off at home and I had to apologize for being less than exciting during our activity. Maybe I should bring him something nice at work tonight so that I can make up for being a lame date/activity-partner/friend/whatever.

I have a tendency to be completely unaware if something isn't meant to be platonic unless things are very obviously not platonic. For something to obviously be considered a date, I apparently need someone to declare it as such or I need a kiss. Hugs? Platonic... Handshakes? So platonic and distant it is awkward. Are there signs a person should know when trying to figure out if something is a date?

Today I turned in my letter of resignation. Word gets around fast. I don't even know how everyone knew by mid day. I didn't get the memo. I was told that I can extend my time here as long as I'd like (which, if I don't get a new job in the next two weeks and if I don't at least have some interviews, I might as long as the downtown branch is up and running). I'll consult with HR and the management.

I also turned in an application at AEG, thinking that maybe they'd be able to match me up with a great employer... who knows.

I should hear back about a job by tomorrow, cross your fingers for me!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

No time for nonsense

I don't know if I'll make it out tonight. I want to, but I can't just seem to get the momentum going.

Today I spent all day at the boat show at a table representing my place of employment, but with the day as slow as it was, mostly I made origami, drew really intricate doodles, and wandered around in circles. I saw Mr. A briefly, as he showed up at the boat show. We talked for a couple minutes, it was more of the same apologetic talk of having no free time. Seeing him kind of put me in a funk, perhaps. I did like the bastard, and it is really frustrating that he doesn't seem to want to spend time with me. I called him this evening, thinking maybe I'd get to talk to him, perhaps make plans with him, but instead I ended up leaving a message and then being annoyed with myself for chasing him instead of playing by the rules. Chances are he'll show up at the Alaskan and I'll go to him and I'll be doting and dumb and we'll continue the pattern where we left off.

I was supposed to do something with Miss E tonight, but when I tried calling her this evening, she didn't answer. Today is one of those days when nobody seems to answer their phones, when nobody seems to pay any mind, and nobody seems to give a damn at all. Not everyone is like that. I just call all the wrong people. I bet if I had followed through on the tentative plans to see the play tonight, I'd be there right now watching the play with Mr. D. I bet if I had called Mr. CW earlier in the evening he'd have wanted to do something fun, he might still, I suppose, but I'm probably in an awful mood for fun right now anyway.

Last night Miss P and I had another adventure of sorts. It was supposed to start early in the evening, but I broke plans with both Mr. C and Miss P to go to a wine-tasting with Miss R after work. It was a pleasant early evening. We headed back downtown so Miss R could meet a deadline and so we could deliver some food to Miss K. Miss P met me at Miss R's and we walked to my place, talking all the while of grand plans for the cinematic future of Juneau. We were hanging out at home for a bit, but then I was feeling tired and wanted to get out and do things in order to wake myself up, I suppose. Somehow we were having an off night though and we couldn't properly socialize with any of our friends but Mr. M. Mr. M was drunk and accompanied us on our adventure to the Red Dog Saloon (aka the tourist trap) which actually has $4 beers until tourist season starts. Miss P and I were very giggly and dumb most of the night, or silent and awkward. We went home after we had attempted going most places and tried watching more Metalocalypse but couldn't get the computers to cooperate. We decided at this point that it was just a sign that we needed to go to bed.

Thursday had me out and about with Mr. AT, Mr. N, Mr. J, and Miss P, among other people who at least started the night with us. I went to the Triangle for the first time and found myself surrounded by legislative types. I drank some wine at the Hangar with Miss L, Mr. AT, and Mr. J (whose birthday it was). Before all of this though, there was swing dancing with Mr. D. His normal partner was gone, so he invited me to go along. I had initially had other things in mind, possibly going to trivia with Hot Lawyer and Beautiful Girlfriend, going to the gym with Miss AA, or some other such things, but this sounded like another good adventure, and it was. The highlight of the night was probably the swing dancing and the low of the night was definitely Mr. J being in a really low mood and bringing up some awkward stuff. Guess guys do talk about stuff... It was him being bitter and knowing that I suffered from the decision I made, ouch. I made sure he stayed around until he was reasonably sober but it was all really awkward. I hope he doesn't pull that crap again.

Wednesday after work I went to sushi with Mr. CW and had lots of sake and beer along with the really good sushi. I was definitely tipsy by the time I even got to the meeting and was pretty happy for that, since it was my first meeting not presiding. I still feel so weird about the change. I feel a little angry at the same time I feel relieved. So far, I don't feel like anything has changed, it is just a different person doing the same thing I did. Half of me hopes that things change and people are happy, the other half of me hopes that things remain the same and I can think bitterly about how they were wrong about me. I played a bit of pool with Miss A and got a ride home from Mr. CW, it was a pretty decent evening. I had considered remaining out later, but I was already kind of drunk and didn't need to get myself into any trouble.

In terms of work, things are fine. I think I am going to put in my two weeks notice on Monday. Should probably write that. I know it is kind of silly to put in my two weeks notice when I don't have a job lined up, but I don't want to work in the valley and so long as I can cash in my PTO and get my last paycheck, I can survive for about a month. I should find out about a job I interviewed for on Monday or Tuesday (cross your fingers, everyone) and if I get that, I'm set. If I don't, I have to go through all the effort of finding something else. At that point I'm tempted to work as a server or bartender to make money and then doing a part time internship to gain experience. I could do it...

Still debating about tonight... what should I do? Ahhhhh.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

How very ordinary...

Wow, must have been tired. I slept from about the time I got home this evening until 11, at which point I did my nighttime routine (plus extra girlie facial stuff) and have decided to head right back to bed. Too be fair, I didn't get much sleep last night and I had a long day at work today, followed by a meeting to discuss community outreach projects.

Why didn't I sleep much on Monday night? It wasn't Monday Night Raw - I wasn't feeling like going out at all, and I swear it had nothing to do with the childish behavior of a certain Mr. G. Instead, I spent a little time with Miss L and her friends, then helped Miss L bake some gourmet brownies. After that, Mr. AT came over and he, Mr. L, Miss L, and I stayed up late being silly and trying to "save" the radio station when we heard dead air. It was a fun evening that didn't involve me being at the Alaskan. Are you impressed?

I worked Sunday and then Miss L and I took advantage of the spring-like weather and took a lovely walk along Sandy Beach. I took a couple pictures because it was the type of evening that reminds me why I live in Juneau, Alaska. We turned it into a bit of an adventure and did some climbing around on the hillside rather than sticking to trails. Despite it being a dry day, there was a lot of mud, and Miss L may have caused a mini mudslide with an attempt to climb. I managed to stay to the side of that mess and felt proud of myself for not contributing to erosion. We probably only ventured out about a mile, but it was a really fulfilling walk. I still don't own Xtra-Tuffs but was tempted to buy a pair after I wound up in a pool of salt water and seaweed up to my shins. I hadn't realized it was so deep. At that point, I became fearless as my feet were already wet and it didn't matter much if they became wetter.

Saturday I bummed around all day, as I usually do. I had tried to convince myself to do something really productive, but the greatest extent of it was doing some laundry, some housekeeping, and, well, that may be it. Miss L and I had a talk though, we discussed the state of our friendship and how it has been negatively affected by our living together. We are not the most compatible of roommates, not either of our fault, really, we just live differently and are set in our ways. I am going to be looking for a new place to live in the next month and a half. It would be selfish of me to remain living here at the expense of our friendship. I have surprisingly already had three options presented. Though so far, two of the three are a little further from downtown than I had hoped - but not too far, really. I may just rent a room with friends, or I may be getting a place with Miss P, who lives more similarly to me and is similarly very relaxed. Miss L admits to being a bit neurotic...

I was supposed to have plans tonight, but it turned into another pretty standard (read boring) Tuesday. I guess that's not bad, considering how tired I obviously was. Tomorrow will be my first meeting NOT in charge. I think it should be amusing. We have yet to receive and e-mail, though I e-assaulted the new pres with potential items for it. I know he'll do a great job, that certain people will respect his leadership more, and that I'll enjoy doing other things more. Still, letting go is hard. I will have to really restrain myself the whole meeting.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Things that start with T: Togas, Tequila, and Trouble

I think the title says it all.

Last night there was a toga party at the Alaskan - it was brilliant. Back in my college days, I was in a sorority. Our house, along with one of the fraternities, put on a toga party every year - somehow I never went. I was always out of town, out of the country, or out celebrating turning 21. Last night was my first toga party! I really enjoyed it, all of it, from making a toga (sorority style) to having a fake knife to stab Caesar.

In the evening I went to the craft store with Mr. K to buy fabric, he had a pinstripe Toga, while I had a green satiny one and I got some teal satiny fabric for Miss L. We also got some gold rope and some fake ivy leaves. My sorority sisters would no doubt be proud. Mr. K gave me some soup and I watched part of a documentary with Miss R while Mr. K worked on his Toga - his may have been the absolute best. Went home to primp and coerced (without much effort) Mr. L into going. I helped him make a toga and we called a cab to take us to the bar. I drank maybe a little too much, including but not limited to some tequila shots. I don't remember all of the night, but I do know that I was flirting shamelessly with a number of people, plus trying to deal with the awkwardness that exists with some other people. One of my co-workers was out and I definitely told said co-worker that I had been involved with a close friend of his. Good idea? Bad idea? Probably the latter. Mr. JB was dressed up as Caesar and all of us in togas took our fake knives and stabbed him repeatedly while someone doused him with ketchup and the men folk dragged him off the stage while we all chanted "Caesar is dead, all hail Caesar!" There was also a game reminiscent of pin the tail on the donkey - stab a Styrofoam Caesar in the heart with a butter knife. Usually I manage to stay out until bar close (and sometimes later) but I didn't quite make it, and one of my roommates and I headed home, completely and utterly intoxicated and we went to bed.

Today I am, as usual, wasting my one free day. Part of me relishes the lazy days while another part of me is upset that I would waste so much time.

I officially resigned a President of Rotaract. It was really hard, but at the same time a bit of a relief. I spent the rest of that evening with Mr. E who was great company on what could have been a really terrible evening. I continued on the rest of the evening after he left, traipsing about between my favorite bars and learning some interesting tales about friends and their fascinating lives. At or near bar close, as I chose to stumble home I ran into a known German speaker. We spoke German for a bit and believe it or not, he invited me zuhause! Scandal! I declined, being the lady that I am, but offered him my Handy Nummer for some more Deutsch speaking. I then went home.

I tend to be very aware of my surroundings and the people who share my surroundings. When I'm not drinking too much, I remember these things. I think that being so aware is often positive, but at least as often, it seems to get me into slightly awkward situations. This guy, whom I frequently see out, was sitting on his own last night so I asked him if he had enjoyed the concert (he was at the President's concert as well) and he gave me the most confused look which prompted me to explain that I had seen him there. He apparently has never ever noticed me and I joked that I felt like a creeper and walked away after our brief conversation. Is it weird to be so observant? I have a theory that people are more observant than they let on but to maintain the cool and careless attitude, that we all hold so esteemed, we have to act like we don't notice anything but the pattern on the carpeting and the antics of our cliques.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

A Bite-Size Morsel

On the crazies:

Me as a crazy: This evening I was way too tired to function. Even trying to hold a coherent conversation was a struggle, so I did give in to the urge to sleep. I slept and slept and slept. I woke up at 8, panicking because I have to work at 8:30 and I leave at 8:15 at the latest! I jumped out of bed and freshened up as best I could, threw on some acceptable clothes, and rushed to the door, shoes on and everything, before it struck me that something was terribly amiss. I looked at my cell phone and the time was 8:17pm, and I work at 8:30AM. Oh yes, I am crazy.

Others as crazies: Miss L informed me that one morning it was discovered that the family car was covered in mustard. There is the possibility that it was completely random, that someone decided that this particular vehicle would be the target of childish vandalism for no reason at all. The other possibility is that the car was targeted. Miss L and I both looked at each other, both panicked, and both ran through a list of names and situations in our heads, wondering who on earth could possibly hate either of us enough to vandalize a car with mustard. The fact that either of us could think of people or reasons may be a bad sign, but the fact that someone would vandalize a car with mustard is just childish. The decision that we could both agree on? Locking the doors ALWAYS.

Actually, don't read any of this...

My blog definitely took a turn for the personal, and judging by the lack of comments, I'd say the posts became intimidatingly long enough to deter people. Thank goodness. Only the truly hardcore will stick around for this soap opera, right?

Monday Night I went to an event with ulterior motives, dragging friends along with me. I watched some great performances and played a couple games of pool. Highlights, especially when compared to the awkward attempts at small talk with Mr. G. After one slightly awkward attempt, I whined to Miss P about how awkward it was and how I didn't want it to be and how annoyed I was at all these other (possibly cuter) girls who were flirting with him. She convinced me that it would be just fine for Mr. F to know, so I spilled about the dilemma and his advice was to just go for it. I tried one more time to get a conversation started, failed, and then went back to Miss P and Mr. F and told them that it was all over, that it was a fluke, that we were never to be.

When bar close came around, Miss P and I were getting ready to go and we happened to offer a ride to Mr. F and Mr. G, who accepted. Then while we were walking, they changed their minds and decided they'd just get a cab (instead of walking to my house and then driving) which made me think that Mr. G just wanted to be as far from me as possible. I was a little crestfallen until they offered to give us a ride as far as our place. While we were stopped for Miss P and I to get out, the boys had a brilliant idea that we could all hang out at my place. This seemed like a positive turn in my head, so I said sure. We all lumbered inside and chatted more noisily than one should during the wee hours of the morn, and spent a couple hours talking. The conversation was highly amusing and not by any means shallow, which is good, since depth and intelligence are things I look for. Looks like it's not a lost cause. Don't know if it's 100% what I'm looking for, but it feels good to be giddy again.

Had an interview today. It was kind of rough. There were a lot of specific questions asking me about experience I didn't have. I had to be honest and say, "Nope, no clue!" but keep a positive attitude so they'd think that at least I'd be willing to learn, which I would. I got a chance to, at the end, say why I think I should have the job. I pointed out that while I had said so many times that I didn't know, the reason I should get the job is because I am a fast learner, I've got a positive attitude, and that I'm good at a lot of other things!

I have another interview coming up Friday morning. I think I am a little more excited for that one. We'll see how it goes. I feel like instead of dressing up nice I should probably wear something hemp. If you know me, you'll know which job interview it is.

Otherwise life is good. Aside from me being way tired from staying up so late last night. Also had to get up super early to take Miss P home. I think it may be nap time...

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Work hard. Play hard.

I've always been one to feel that work and play should receive equal attention. I have been known to toss around the phrase: "Work hard. Play Hard" here and there, but it looks like I'll take those words in whatever order they may come. Outcome: 'Hard (week at) work. Play hard.' And that being said, this past week has been like a week full of Fridays without the anticipation. Every single day, I had some trial or tribulation, some continuation of the same trials and tribulations, etc, and every single day (except Monday?) I stayed out way too late and had perhaps a little too much fun. Monday was still fun, but not to the point of being excessive. It would appear that, under stress, I regress to 'drunk co-ed' rather than doing something productive like... meditation?

The nature of this week is such that there are two stories to be told, the tragedy of my professional life and the soap opera of my social life.

I think that all I should really say about my professional life is that I've been doing a lot of learning, all the hard way, and that people that those I felt were to blame before are perhaps not to blame, and those who received none before probably deserve some. That includes me, but not exclusively. (? to that last sentence...)

Friday was basically the longest day of my life. Mostly because I got pretty much not sleep the night before. I started the morning with a doctor's appointment, including a shot which instantly made my arm really sore. Not the nurse's fault. Also, super glad I did the "cafeteria plan" as I get to pay for my medical stuff with untaxed dollars! Then I went to work (after I stopped at Valentine's for a coffee and scone) and I was there all day. Miss D and I were making it out in record time, but I got a last minute phone call and had to tangle with the copy machine. I helped out at the home show after that. I was volunteering at the show with the managing body I thought hated me, but through some great epiphany now have gained a lot of respect for her and lost some for another. We chatted a bit and got along just fine. She surprised me, as I had hoped. I chose to volunteer at the same time, hoping that I'd make some peace.

After finishing the show at 8 and getting a letter of recommendation from Miss B, I went home and just went to bed. Most exciting night ever? Maybe. But only because I hadn't slept much the whole week leading up to this point.

Tuesday night I went to the Bergmann with Miss M, Miss S, Miss E, Mr. J, and Mr. I, we just sat around and had drinks and talked about such classy subject matter as bowel movements. Somehow this topic comes up more often than I like to admit.

Wednesday I didn't have a meeting, so I spent the entire evening hanging out with friends at either the Alaskan or the Rendezvous. Mostly the "vous" though because I knew more people over there, and it was another karaoke night. I was hanging out with Mr. K and kind of laughed when an acquaintance of my main group of friends asked where "my boyfriend, Mr. K" went. Mr. BH was there, though I didn't spend much time chatting with him, he admitted that he was supposed to call, but I didn't get on his case about it, since he couldn't have known if I was serious or not that night, having been drunk off a half pint of Jose. I texted Miss L about going home finally, since I was a little tired, and she ended up taking her bike home, while I gave Mr. K a ride. Mr. C was being extra friendly tonight, but I am so done with that. More on that in a bit.

Thursday night was Sean Tracey's concert, so after taking a brief nap and fixing Miss L's hair, we went to that. The music was, of course, fantastic. Miss P and I danced a bit at the end. After the concert ended (too soon in my opinion) we went to the Rendezvous for the Rock-Paper-Scissors competition. I made it to the semi-finals again. There was trash talking in this round and my opponent had some girl come up and do the trash talking for him. She told me I had small boobs. Ouch. Mr. K was doing my trash talking, but decided to be classy about it and said we didn't need to trash talk. Then I lost. Oh well. Miss P actually won the entire night's competition. I am just hoping that I'll have enough cumulative points to get myself into the final round, though it doesn't matter since I'll be camping out at a cabin when the finals take place. It will be Miss P's birthday weekend! Once the competition was over we headed over to the Alaskan, which had absorbed most of the Sean Tracey crowd. It was just about bar close, so we didn't do much while there. We ran into Mr. J3 and Mr. G and ended up walking up to Mr. AT's house for an after party. There were a lot of people there, an interesting crowd to say the least, and while some people played either piano or acoustic guitar, we all sang along to 90's hits. I was faced with a sort of dilemma because both Mr. J3 and Mr. G were showing interest in me - both of them are really great guys in their ways - and I was struggling with how to deal with the attention of both. In the end, I didn't decide anything, I just behaved as I normally do (flirtatiously) and the decision was made for me when Mr. G leaned in and kissed me. It was actually kind of awkward because I really hate PDA, because Mr. J3 was right there and may actually be more my type, because it was Mr. AT's kitchen... the list goes on. Anyway, I don't really know what's going on with that situation. Talked with a Miss J and discovered that Mr. C was playing a number of people and at some point told her with great confidence that he'd be going home with me... If you were wondering, no, that doesn't make a girl feel good. And if you were wondering still, no, I didn't respond to the majority of calls and texts he sent me over all those months. Anyway, walked home with Miss P, Mr. J3, Mr. G, and as is evidenced by the fact that we had spent so much time at an "after party" I didn't get much sleep.

Saturday was spent doing a leadership workshop - possibly my favorite so far. The only bad thing about it was that we all ended up sharing dilemmas in our lives and one of the women in the group shared a dilemma that directly involves a friend of mine. Having strong opinions on the matter already, I grew kind of upset listening to her description of the dilemma and announced that I would be sitting that discussion out. She doesn't seem to know when to just drop an issue, I've decided. During our lunch break she tried to defend her argument and say that the friend of mine involved was the lesser of the evils, but I stayed pretty quiet and told her that it was my prerogative to avoid the conversation. Other than that though, things were great. I'll admit to my mind wandering in the afternoon hours, but I really did appreciate the subject matter and the way it was presented.

In the evening, Miss J came and picked me up to head out to her parents' house in the Valley. We had some beer and pizza before all cramming into Miss H's hatchback to head to Marlintini's for the concert. Miss P and I sat in the hatch. People thought it was hilarious and took some photos. Once at the concert, Miss P realized she had forgotten her ID, and as there wasn't much going on at the time we first arrived, I waited around with her until she got her ID and was able to enter. The Bastards opened and did a pretty good job, the highlight being their rendition of California Ueber Alles (an all around good song). The Presidents came out and were fantastic. I can remember listening to them with Miss D back in middle school and rocking out. They've still got it, for sure. They're coming out with a new album, they played some of the songs and it was pretty solid. They haven't gone soft, as some rockstars do. Ran into Mr. HG at the show, we wound up bumping into each other in the pit. I know he saw me beforehand, and I saw him, but it wasn't until this point that we were in such close proximity that the choices were speak or be considered a complete douchebag. We made some small talk, which included him saying he had been super busy, and when we continued the conversation after the band stopped playing I did call him out on not calling me even once in the past four months, despite having my number. He mumbled something about not having time for a relationship and I told him, "I didn't ask for a relationship, I asked for a phone call - it's a courtesy thing." It felt kind of good to have that little chat and to catch up a little. He told me, to make me feel better I guess, that he hasn't been with anyone else. I guess in some slightly wicked way, I did feel a little better knowing that my social life has faired much better. Mr. M called our group a cab and we had to run down to catch it. About two or three minutes into the cab ride, my phone rings and of course, it is Mr. HG, using my phone number for the first time in those four months. I was pretty nonchalant and perhaps made it seem that we might hang out further that night, and deep down there was a temptation, but I was strong in the end and that felt better than any other potentially cathartic outcomes the night brought or could have brought. I slept at Miss J's parents' house, falling asleep while watching Venture Bros. This morning Miss AM dropped me off at home, and here I am blogging instead of getting ready for work...

Oh, my life. I think that the main reason for reading this blog, since I've turned it into a soap opera, at least, is the same reason for craning one's neck to look at a car wreck.