Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Time flies when you're having fun!

Yesterday was full of ups and downs, but maybe the kind of downs that eventually lead to ups? I went to work and things were fine, I had a lunch meeting with Ms. B to brighten up my afternoon. It was a pretty bittersweet meeting though. We discussed the option of my resignation from the role of president, and while it was a bit emotional and it felt a bit like admitting defeat - I know that I'll be a lot happier without that particular stress in my life. I will still be part of the club and maybe even take on a role planning events or recruitment, but I can't dedicate the time necessary to be president and I also don't feel like it would make that much of a difference if I could, who has faith in me anymore anyway? The President Elect will be taking over early. We'll basically be moving into our new roles entirely, I believe. I will admit to crying, I will admit to being really upset, but I will also say that I was relieved. When I called Mr. G to ask if he'd be willing to step up if I stepped down, I was on the verge of tears again, but in general it is probably one of the best decisions I could have made. Yesterday wasn't all bad news though, I was offered two interviews for next week. One with the State and one with the Nature Conservancy. I am really hoping for the latter, but we'll see what happens.

After work, I chose to take the stairs, as it was a brisk day with no precipitation - those are few and far between, so I take advantage. As I was walking toward the stairs I ran into Mr. D and said hello, which led to a conversation, which led to grabbing coffee, which led to watching the film showing at the Silverbow since we just happened to still be there. The film was pretty good, not uplifting at all, as it explores the lowest tendencies of human nature, but the aesthetic of the film was nice, it was clever, and it did well in expressing those lowest tendencies. I can thank Mr. J for introducing me to Joanna Newsom, whose song was attributed to the really talented Gloria in the film. The film, if you were wondering, is The Great World of Sound. So, by this time, it was 10pm, and since I had run into Mr. D just after work, that meant that from 5:30ish until 8pm, not even realizing how much time had passed, we had been talking about all sorts of interesting things and drinking chai tea. Since we were there when the film was starting we just moved to a different table and watched the film. The film may have been a little desolate for Mr. D's taste, but over all it was a really enjoyable evening. I think that spontaneous fun like that tastes a little sweeter than something planned, just because you had no idea you'd be having fun, and perhaps, as I had, you imagine you'll be sitting at home doing nothing.

After the film I went home and expected to just hop into bed with a book or something pretty mellow, but Mr. AT, Mr. N, and Mr. L were all there with Miss L, so I joined them to chat. Mr. AT and Mr. N had built us a fire (the reason Miss L and I invite men over?) and they were debating whose fire tending methods were more effective, so I suggested we have a fire tending competition, at our house, every night. Miss L and I will come up with some sort of prize... Also, as our dear friend Mr. AT seems to be trying to set both of us up with Mr. N, whether Mr. N knows it or not, if Miss L and I were to compete, I know she would win. She'd argue otherwise because that is what good friends do, and I appreciate it, but I know better. After the men-folk left, Miss L and I had a nice discussion about attitudes in dating. Maybe it's not 100% accurate, but we were looking at it in terms of dating like women and dating like men. She was thinking that if she looked at dating like a man, she'd be totally content right now. I have tried dating "like a man" and told her that, in my experience, we women can take it for only so long... I guess we can't fight our nature?

I still find time to be such a bizarre system, completely rational, but considering how my perception of time varies so, it baffles me. Hours can pass and feel like moments, a day can pass but feel like three, and years can pass and I'll feel like some things happened just yesterday. Speaking of, I kind of wish we could just completely skip some days. If I were to choose a day to skip, it would be the 5th of March. I'd just have that day not exist. Please, someone, something; make it happen.

Tonight I'm meeting up with Miss E, Miss M, and Miss S at the Bergmann for some drinks or at least some good conversation. I had the potential for going rock climbing but I am sadly still not feeling brave enough. I do feel rather encouraged after conversing with Mr. D, however... Miss L's way of encouraging me was to just tell me how terrible some other people were rather than saying that nobody would even notice if I could only climb up half way on the easiest climb or if I fall to my death.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Le Weekend: Part Deux

Saturday turned out to be a pretty fantastic day too. Miss L and I had to do recycling, but we sorted everything before we left the house, so the actual time spent at the recycling center was minimal. We got back and I really wanted to take a nap, but there was barely enough time and I may have just made myself more tired by falling asleep for about a half hour.

I couldn't take a real nap because my club had an event! We had donated a dinner party for a foundation auction, and the deal was to be sealed and the dinner made that night. Miss J and I showed up at a few minutes after 3, before everyone else because Mr. S was running late. We managed to keep occupied catching up on stories and whatnot, so it was fine. When he arrived we helped carry things inside and the process of decorating and cooking began. Long story short; I was there from around 3 until after 9, basically a full 6 hours of socializing with the club members present, cooking, decorating, hiding behind a refrigerator, sneaking out into the back alley for a potentially deadly break, and clean up efforts. It was pretty fun. I told Miss J about my book thing that I described, she says she does it too. She also made me laugh a bit when she exclaimed that she couldn't believe that I had gone on a date (I guess she didn't hear about the other two or three) with Mr. S. I can see why she'd be in shock over the matter because I don't understand it either. He seems so old. I mean, he's only 6 years older than I am, but he behave like he's a lot older, dresses like he's older, and then there is the fact that we have basically nothing in common. I started laughing when she brought the matter up and was pretty glad that things didn't go any further than they had. I think he was trying to flirt with me, he sometimes still does that, but I just act oblivious and hope that the fact that anything ever happened remains a lesser known secret.

After that, I dropped off Miss J and went home, discovering that I had a text message from Mr. PH and a missed call from Mr. K. I responded to Mr. PH and called to make plans with Mr. K. Mr. K and I sat around at my house drinking and talking about two thirds of the three things you don't talk about at dinner: Sex, Religion, and Politics. We talked there for probably an hour and a half to two hours before we decided to head downtown. Then we went to the Alaskan since Miss R was working and we sat around with some drinks and had a highly inappropriate conversation, complete with lewd gestures. It was highly entertaining and I would have laughed hysterically had anyone paid any attention at all to our conversation. I saw Mr. C, there with his theatre troupe and Mr. PH showed up there as well. Mr. C was hanging out with the girl who seemed to despise me for no good reason, unless of course she is secretly in love with Mr. C and despises me for having been involved with him. Mr. K commented later that Mr. PH seemed really into me, so I had to explain our history, which led to plenty of teasing. We hit up a couple other bars; The Rendezvous, The Imperial, and even the Viking. In the Viking I ran into Mr. AT and Mr. N, both of whom were terribly drunk. Mr. AT, who had tried to convince me that Mr. N and I were perfect for each other the day before, literally tried to push us together at this juncture and then excused himself to go puke. The lights came on to signify last call and start the rush to get cabs, so Mr. K and I headed out to grab a cab and went home.

Today, I had meant to get up early to go hiking, but I think that the night out took its toll and here I am at home, typing this instead of appreciating Juneau's majesty. I may head out to a bonfire with Mr. K tonight, another adventure, right?

Mr. K calls Miss L my bosom buddy and Mr. N asked me where she was last night. More and more frequently I don't know the answer. I think it is a good thing though, living together, we could spend all of our time together, but it is healthier for us to have separate lives too. I think it is helping to keep us sane. We also have a few people vying for the honor of being our third housemate. Who knows.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Adventure Time!

Living in Alaska, in general, is kind of an adventure. Sometimes it is a really dull and ordinary adventure, working 8 hours a day at a job that bores me and all, but other times, I feel terribly alive.

Friday was the proposed adventure day for Miss P and me. She came over and we ran some errands and did some menial things, but then we had an adventure. We started out by walking to the Wharf to have a small dinner and while at dinner, the future adventures started to form. We decided that we'd get an "adventure size" bottle of tequila, a lime, and go out on the dock to drink. We managed to drink the entire pint and eat the entire lime while we sat on the dock, staring at the colorful reflection of lights on the black water, and the barely illuminated mountains, and the stars. We also talked a bunch and laughed a bunch.

After we had finished our bottle and our train of thought, we headed toward the bars. We went to the Alaskan for a couple minutes, where I saw Mr. AK and heard that he had gotten himself kicked out of the Bergman, which both baffled and amused me to the point of wanting to stop by. Something about pouring out some of his beer for fallen soldiers (he's former military). We went there and didn't even make it inside because we ran into Mr. AT and Mr. N who were heading to the bonfire Miss L was going to be at. Miss P and I decided we could change our plans (for an ADVENTURE!) and joined Mr. AT on his way to the bonfire. Mr. N was headed downtown to find some girl. Mr. AT tried to convince me that Mr. N and I would get along wonderfully (hint hint) which I thought was rather hilarious since Mr. AT and I barely know each other. He's my new German speaking buddy, whom I may have mentioned previously. We went to the bonfire and we basically just spoke German the entire time. I figured out that I know his brother, they are pretty different, despite similarities in appearance I was more ready to believe them cousins. The bonfire was fun, we drank some beer and I talked with the Elliot Smith singing Ultimate Frisbee player I met at open mic night for a bit as well.

Having enjoyed some time at the bonfire, we decided we should head back downtown and hit the bars. We went to the Imperial, where I pretty rarely go, but I was in the right mood for it thanks to Jose Cuervo. Miss P and I were hanging out with some of her friends, one of whom intrigues me a bit for some reason. He's good friends with a co-worker of mine and I told him about the rejected nickname I had come up with. If I recall correctly (which I may not) he said he'd use it. I ran into Miss L once inside and she told me that Mr. A was at the Alaskan. Silly as it may seem, even though he hadn't called as he said he would, I went over there and talked with him. Once again he was making conversation with people I'd never meet because of his intense curiosity and interest in all people. The bartender on duty was one of my favorites and I decided to buy a drink from him because I hadn't in ages and he teases me about my water drinking. I think it was a combination of gratitude for the chocolates on V-day and awe that I was actually going to buy a drink, but he told me that he would buy a drink for me, and gave me a tequila sunrise. Went back to the imperial once I had finished that drink and I danced some, but then I did get a phone call from Mr. A wondering where I had disappeared. I went back to his place and at some point tried to lead up to the ultimatum.

The ultimatum: If we aren't going to actually date, even casually, then we aren't going to exist anymore.

I didn't say that. I asked when we were going to hang out in a setting more conducive to conversation, basically. He, to my annoyance, started mumbling about work and grant writing and being so busy. I stared him down, knowing that what I was asking wasn't much, and he said he was going to be out of town for a week but when he's back he'll call me. That was the result of my attempt to make this something worth my time.

You may wonder why I even bother with someone who isn't immediately head over heels wanting to spend all the free time they can with me, and I'll say that I have logical reasons. One of them is that I'm not looking for a truly serious relationship, I'm not interested in someone on the marriage track, I just want to be with someone because that companionship is amazing. Also, he's a super cool guy.

Judging a book by its cover? Me? I judge a man by his books:
He's always got books lying around, I like to pick them up and read the back cover or at least check out the subject matter. First good sign is that there are books, second good sign is that they are really interesting books. He had things ranging from an anthropological study on an Eskimo tribe to a book on European History to some fiction by Chuck Pahlaniuk (Oregonians support Oregonians). I don't know if I could date the type of guy who doesn't read interesting books and I know I couldn't date a guy who doesn't read at all. Because I judge based on this criterion, I make sure that I've got at least one of my books lying around too, just so someone has the option to judge me in the same way. I know that I'll pass the test. Recently lying out: The End of the Affair by Graham Greene, The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera, and a book called Band Box which I haven't started yet, but it's about the roaring 20's. I also read the Great Gatsby for the first time recently, I can't believe I never ended up reading it in high school like most other students did. I always chose the more obscure stuff... How did I become so pretentious?

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The magic number?

The number three has consistently been a sort of OCD/lucky/magic number for me. I don't know when it started or how, but it is the most appealing number to me and it has nothing to do with the holy trinity.

Two though. Suddenly I start to feel like this number is perhaps more meaningful. With two of something you can have symmetry, you can have balance, you open up this new world of concepts. Let's not ignore the mythological significance of two, with Noah's pairs of animals. The biological significance of two arms, two legs, two lungs, two kidneys... I could go on. Here is why the number two suddenly felt significant in my life:

Second chances:
I may refer to Mr. E as an old college chum, but the reality of it is that we weren't friends in college. We weren't even really acquaintances because no matter how many times we may have crossed paths, I obviously never made an impression and when we met again in Juneau, he still didn't remember my name. To make up for it, he bought me a drink, and that night is when Mr. K told me that I always go for assholes. Mr. E and I are what you would call friends, now, but now is a second chance. He had his first chance at WU but blew it because he was probably too absorbed with his important life then. After that drink at the Alaskan, we didn't really make any effort to see each other but perhaps because we are strangely similar creatures, we found that we were more and more frequently running into each other. L.J. Orientation meeting; he was there. The places I frequent, he's there. On the second night we were in Haines, we stayed out late, later than anyone else, drinking at the second bar we went to that night. We shared stories and laughed and really enjoyed reminiscing about WU. I invited him to join the club of which I am president, and he agreed. I knew he would, because he's just like me in his need for involvement and prestige. I've found that I've been hanging out with him outside of these meetings and these events too. Last night we left the meeting and ended up staying at another bar for a few hours, chatting and drinking. Miss L keeps accusing me of making out with him, but it's completely platonic.

The two night stand:
The two night stand is what happens when you begin a physical relationship with someone you really like before you develop the rest of the relationship. It's when you get seduced and you get attached. Then you are seduced again and you think that it means that the person really likes you, but when you wait and wait for that phone to ring, when you wait to do something more meaningful, or when you wait for anything at all, you discover that you just had a two night stand. Your naivety has tricked you again and you gave a little piece of your heart to someone who only wanted your body. I hate the two night stand, but I am somewhat prone to such mistakes. I become enamored with someone and I want nothing more than to please him. I fall for it twice, thinking that we'll definitely have something meaningful, but it never comes. I think I've had four in total. Four seemingly nice guys, one obviously stupid me. Maybe I'll get my phone call, maybe I'll get my meaning, but hoping is getting harder and harder. I guess what I should probably do is stop falling for it the first time.

Couples: This one is obvious, right? When two people like or love each other, they spend time together, they get into relationships, they get married... in short, they become a couple. I can't recall if I've admitted this here, but I've never been half of a couple. 22 years old and still socially challenged. I like to joke about it, as if it were the funniest thing ever, but I'm pretty sure it's funeral laughter.*

Roommates: Currently, it is just me and Miss L. The problem with living with just one person is that there is always only one other person to blame, which sucks when one has a sort of high strung roommate. We get into arguments now like we didn't before it was just the two of us. It isn't awful, it is just difficult sometimes because everything can be taken personally and everything can be blamed on one or the other.

Two nights a week: Tuesdays and Sundays, those are the nights I take off. Any other night is game for debauchery. It wasn't really planned that way, and it doesn't always work out that way, but it happens often enough that I thought I'd throw it in here for good measure.

Okay, maybe the number two isn't that significant, or at least not any more significant to me than to anyone else, but it struck me today. Maybe I'm crazy. Probably.

Funeral Laughter: Laughter in an inappropriate situation caused by anxiety, embarrassment, or similar stressors.

In terms of the general updating, here is my life:

Tuesday I stayed in and didn't do much of anything. Watched some more Lost (it's a serious addiction) and survived the day at work. After the managing body left, I confessed my discomfort with working with someone who seemed to despise me. I talked with someone at work about it, which made me feel a little better. I haven't decided yet if I want it discussed or not. Sometimes I figure it is better to just survive it as is since actually having an open discussion could just cause drama. I kind of feel like, in another situation, this person and I would get along... but not like this. I am appreciative that the other managing body and I seem to be more compatible. She seems to be very pro-active when she has a problem with something, which is nice. I am technically not supposed to blog about my job. I do believe though, that as this blog is so vague, nobody would know where I'm talking about unless they know me well enough to know where I work, and then they probably already know how I feel. Besides, as a person spends on average eight hours a day at work, to exclude that aspect of life completely would be absurd. So there.

Wednesday was work and then the meeting. Meetings are hit or miss. Sometimes I feel like we are really productive and that everything is going well, other times I feel drained and upset. After this particular meeting I felt like I needed a drink. I also bribed Mr. E with a drink to come to the meeting, also to make up for me being a bit ridiculous on Friday night. We had a drink there and then when everyone left we went to my favorite bar where I inevitably ended up staying longer than intended, drinking slightly more than I had intended, and having a great time. Mr. E gave me a ride home afterward. He told me that it is true that nice guys finish last, implying that he himself would/tends to finish last, though I never really heard of him referred to as one of those nice guys... but like I said, second chances, he's being a nice guy right now, so I have nothing contrary to say. When I came home I was taking off my shoes in the entry way and Miss L turned on the light and then turned it immediately off, saying, "Oh sorry, you don't want that on do you!" and I asked why, and she said "aren't you making out with someone?" which made me laugh pretty hard. Nope, just taking off my shoes.

Tonight I was maybe going to go to to the bowling alley with Miss R, but I haven't heard from her, so I don't know if we'll make it. Definitely still going out later in the evening though - because open mic night and rock paper scissors call.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Monday Night Raw

I went to Monday Night Raw. I have been a few times before, but not much recently. It's always a good time. Good music. I was having a discussion with an acquaintance about the talent one of the local DJs has, we agreed that it was something that is pretty exceptional.

Mr. A was there. We talked for a few minutes while he was on his way out. He told me to give him a call. I will. I will give him a call one more time and if we don't have plans sometime in the coming week, then I won't call ever again and I'll officially move on.

Mostly, I was hanging out with Miss P. We had some girl talk. She has decided that she needs to set me and one of her friends up. I have met him a couple times and she seems to think that he seemed like he was totally into me. I can't say I am opposed to the idea of having Miss P encourage this particular guy to ask me on a date, but it is kind of bad timing, since I am not entirely unattached. I don't know if I'd be able to give this guy a fair chance if I'm hung up on Mr. A, which I seem to be. Miss P and I also joined a group of gentlemen, including her ex-boyfriend, for some conversation. I had seen them all around, but not met any of them. The introductions began when Mr. G decided he was interested in knowing my name. I think that it was out of interest in me, perhaps. I guess I am kind of a cute girl...

Miss P and I have a grand plan for an adventure come Friday. I'm really excited. We're going to dinner and then really going to have an adventure. We decided that we couldn't actually plan it all out, otherwise it would be a plan and not an adventure, but it will probably involve being on a roof at some point.

I enjoy paid holidays. I am kind of bummed to have to go back to work tomorrow and even more bummed that the person who will be there is probably the one person in the world who has no faith in my ability to do this job. I can't even defend myself either, because she doesn't want any excuses. I just have to nod, accept her analysis of who I am and what I'm doing, and try to change so that she doesn't see my personality or behavior as reason to demote or fire me. Seriously, I won't claim that this job motivates me particularly, but I don't think that I'm as terrible as she seems to think and I do think that there are a lot of factors that she doesn't consider. It's okay, only one day this week. I don't even have that much time left in this job. Maybe a month and a half. February, despite it being a leap year, is still a short month. I've got about 39 full days until freedom, with weekends in there, it won't be bad at all. When I look at it like that, it really doesn't seem like all that much time. It actually seems pretty tolerable. I'll be happy to go though, I feel stagnant in this job.

Monday, February 18, 2008

The beauty of irony is overshadowed by my hatred of writing cover letters:

Today is a paid holiday. I got paid to sleep until 11:30 and then spend the rest of my day finding a job to replace my current job and to write cover letters and update my resume. I think that qualifies as irony, the really lovely sort, but I can't appreciate it that much because I absolutely hate writing cover letters and choosing jobs for which I am "qualified," especially since I only seem to have any semblance of a chance with jobs for which I am highly over-qualified. Damn the man. Damn the uselessness of college degrees without years of experience. Damn my degree which has not practical application without an added degree or two.

Yesterday I looked into getting a masters degree in Public Administration through the University here. It seems fairly affordable AND it is designed to be achieved while working full time. It would really help me with that whole "practical skills" thing. It program isn't as impressive and the university isn't as prestigious, but it is practical - something which could benefit me greatly.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Valentines, that guy, old college chums, and hangovers...

Last Friday I had made plans with Miss P to be valentines. Not in any romantic or erotic way, of course, but it is nice to have someone to spend time with on such a day and someone to do something nice for. I bought Miss P a stuffed unicorn (there can be no explanation) and some Rittersport chocolate from Germany. Originally we were going to have dinner plans at a restaurant, but we couldn't get in where we wanted, when we wanted, so we adapted and I made fajitas. We had a lovely evening of girl talk, good food, and some chocolate chip cookies baked by Miss P.

Once we had done a fair amount of girl talk, we decided to go make our deliveries. I didn't realize when I made the decision to do this, but after thinking about it in another context, buying chocolates for the bartenders and bouncers of my three favorite bars may seem a little pathetic... I bought red, heart shaped, fake rose bedecked boxes of chocolate for three different bars and I have to say that the response I received from Mr. E was really the best, can't complain about a big bear hug like that. I got another hug at another location. Only one bartender didn't seem particularly thrilled, but I was doing it more for his co-workers who tend bar other nights anyway. Miss P and I also gave out a number of her cookies, also at two other bars and Pel'meni. As we had made it to the wharf building anyway, we settled at a location there and played a few games of pool. Neither of us can boast tons of skill or finesse, but we had fun.

I went home after that and cleaned up a bit of the mess I had left and then settled down to watch an episode of Lost, which turned into two, one of them being the season one finale and twice as long... Miss L came home while I was watching the finale and we caught each other up on our nights. She had been informed that there had been a discussion about her hotness, and the degree to which she was hot. Apparently there were no dissenters. I hope that at some point there will be such a discussion regarding my charms. I like to think that there has been at some point, but that I just wasn't informed of it by a drunk Mr. B.

Friday I worked (like most every day) and then went home and relaxed for about twenty minutes before Miss L convinced me to go to the Banff Film Festival, which was all films about mountains and such. I can't say it was actually my thing, but I did get somewhat an adventurous bug, making me finally decide to try rock climbing or something like that in the near future. After the festival, Miss L and I went home and got ready to go out on the town. She started at the Island Pub and I went out to my usual spots (does this sound pathetic yet?) and chatted with friends while I waited to pick Miss L up and bring her downtown as well. At Mr. C2's suggestion, I called Miss L at midnight, when she said she'd probably be ready, and as it turns out she had a ride situated and I bought myself a drink. While here I ended up talking to a guy I had met before, whom I see everywhere, and who is friends with most of my friends. For some reason I had never really talked to him much before, but he is a nice guy. When I attempted to describe him to my roommate I realized he is "that guy" - you know, the person who is always there, nice, when described sounds like just anyone else, plus he has a terribly common name. I couldn't actually explain who he was at all because there was nothing I could say that would set him apart from anyone else. Odd. I had a couple drinks at one location, then went and checked out all the other locations with Miss R and Miss E. At one location, a drunk girl grabbed my ass! I eventually ended up back where I almost always end up and had a few drinks with Mr. E, who told me I looked pretty, how flattering. I guess I got a little carried away drinking with Mr. E and the rest of the night is a blur. I remember bits and pieces, talking to this or that person, etc. But the more I try to remember of the night, the less clear it is.

Saturday, you won't be surprised to know, was rather miserable as I had a terrible hangover from drinking so much the night before (5 drinks, I think). I watched a bunch of Lost (it's a terrible addiction) and I ran an errand downtown. Nothing terribly exciting. I went out very briefly to meet up with Miss L and found myself rather bored, aside from my conversation with the Sasquatch, who remained in character quite well. I adore him and Miss L and I said once that we wouldn't mind someday marrying someone like Sasquatch (in his normal persona). I went home rather early and chilled out at home.

Today I worked for a few hours and then have done basically nothing for the rest of the day. I sent Mr. A a text message and received no response though... I guess Mr. K was right and that I do always go for assholes. I sent two text messages since I last heard from him, which means that I am walking away from the cell phone and will not hesitate to accept any enticing invitations that may be extended by any other eligible gentlemen. I have this tendency to try to be "faithful" or "monogamous" without any actual commitment, I'll focus on one person that I am interested in and hope that they are doing the same and feeling the same. I guess I'm just being silly though, so far that particular strategy has gotten me nowhere.

Miss L was sick today, some nasty stomach flu thing I guess. I've been trying to avoid the air she breathes because the last thing I want is to spend my paid holiday rolling around in bed in agony and puking. I'm off to the supermarket now to get garbage bags, popsicles, and who knows what else.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

You DID NOT just say I told you so, did you?

It's so frustrating how one action 0r one occurrence can change the very nature of a day.

Today holds a good example. I have to balance a vault sheet every day close to the end of the day. Sometimes it balances perfectly, sometimes it takes a little work, sometimes it takes a lot of work and some outside help. Today was one of those 'lot of work and some outside help' sorts of days, except I had no outside help, all I had was a tactless co-worker who said, "Just finish it tomorrow, that's why I think you should start earlier." I can't recall my exact response, but it definitely included some manifestation of the word fuck. I don't know what she assumed, but had I started even 10 minutes earlier, I still would have come up with the same results. For all of my efforts, I couldn't get it right. Rather than offering to look at it and offer another perspective, she chose to give useless and presumptuous advice. She missed her bus. I was in a terrible mood. Usually I invite her to wait for her boyfriend at my house, but she didn't ask and I didn't offer. We finished the night in silence and went our separate ways without a goodbye. Maybe that is not the behavior of a supervisor I just exhibited tonight, but she does not treat me with the respect she would treat a supervisor, so I will not treat her with kid gloves. I'm still in a bad mood!

The rest of the day was actually fine. The morning started off a little rough because the other manager came out and she wants to change everything it seems. She is very friendly and seems really enthusiastic and sincere though, so it makes it seem less like a vicious attack on our way of doing things and more like a way to improve things. I don't know if I'll like it, but she makes it sound okay. I was busy all day doing boring things mostly, but it wasn't scanning, so I survived. I went to lunch with a Miss C, who may be interested in Rotaract. Speaking of Rotaract, I have a board meeting and regular meeting tonight. I hope that people show up mostly on time and that they are receptive to what I have set up. Sometimes I dread it, sometimes I love it.

I can't decide if I should stay out and try to have fun tonight or if I should come home and curl up in bed for some much needed sleep and some alone time to be frustrated.

Yesterday I was hanging out with Miss L and her Page friends, it was a good time, though after a point the conversation was merely an entanglement of inside jokes and gossip about people I didn't know and things I didn't know. She introduced me to Mr. AT, who had studied in Austria, who speaks German, and who did some amazing travel in many of the same places I did. We spent a good 20 minutes gushing over our European adventures before anyone else arrived.

I'm waiting on Mr. A to my query regarding his schedule and if he has some desire to do something fun with me this week. This week is rather quickly coming to an end, however, so I have some doubts. I get anxious and pessimistic pretty quickly when it comes to such matters, so don't be surprised if I'm vowing to swear him off by early next week. I do hope to hear from him before I must resort to irrational behavior.

Tomorrow I have a hot date with Miss P! We are going to celebrate Valentine's Day in a very fabulous fashion. We don't have a plan just yet, but we'll work something out.

I went to the gym again last night after not going for a long time, it made my tail bone hurt again. Ouch! I'm going to try to get back into it though, I hadn't been for about two weeks and I think I was starting to get (more) out of shape again already!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

I'd by no means call it a loss:

This was a good weekend! Not everything worked out as planned, but perhaps things worked out BETTER than planned.

Friday night I went out to the bars as usual, and as usual I walked back and forth between my top two, looking for the greenest pastures. I even set foot in the Imperial briefly, but I didn't venture very far in, once I found Miss S I talked with her and then we headed back to the usual mutual hangout. Bluegrass 101 was playing (now with a new name) but I didn't spend as much time there as I usually would have because in some bizarre phenomenon I didn't know everyone in the bar. I ran into Mr. PH at one of the bars - I thought he had skipped town since I hadn't heard from him in so long. I talked with him a little, then endured a slightly awkward moment when Mr. C decided to give me the most prolonged goodbye hug ever with a compliment attached. I didn't let him charm me though... Miss P showed up at some point and we discovered that neither of us were drinking, so we decided to take our sober party on the road back to listen to some bluegrass and catch up on life. I think the best thing that happened Friday night was making a date with Miss P to be my valentine. I'm always bitter on V-day because I'm always single, and as Miss P is also now single, I decided we should go out and have a good time as many couples would. Miss P and I also stopped by Miss T's birthday party, which had a dinosaur theme, and we sang along with some 90's hits to the strumming of several gentlemen in attendance. I called the night quits at around 3am and went to bed.

Saturday was half productive and half the opposite of productive. I did something stupid and started watching Lost on abc.com but I also cleaned my room. the kitchen, and the bathroom. I was pretty excited for my movie night with Mr. J, and as my roommate had speculated that she may have been having a movie night as well, I had to clean my room just in case we had to take it to the bed (scandal!). I picked up Lola Rennt (though I've seen it at least twice) and went to the Alaskan to meet Mr. J. He wasn't there. I sat around and had a coffee with Bailey's while I half waited and half told myself "I told you so" regarding Mr. J's flakiness. Lucky for me, I know the bartender and tonight I also knew a good number of the patrons. I stayed there the whole night, enjoying the music, hanging out with Miss B and her friend Mr. AK (named for the large tattoo of Alaska on his torso), Miss PP and her fiance whom I had met at the caucus, Miss L and her "legie" friends, and of course Miss E and Mr. JG, and Mr. K. Since Mr. J had failed to show up to our commitment, I was a little disheartened, but I had spent a bit of my time thinking of someone else lately, so I decided to find out where he would be. Mr. A had a radio show and encouraged me to listen, but I responded that I was out listening to Bluegrass. He and Mr. AH showed up at the bar after their show and I joined them for some conversation and later a movie. We watched Death Proof (part of the Grindhouse features) which I hadn't seen before. I think I may still be partial to Planet Terror, but both are pretty awesome and there are a lot of parallels which would be much more apparent watching them back to back as intended.

I dawdled a bit this morning, to the point that I was suddenly in a rush to get ready for work. I actually showed up a few minutes late, but I did show up. It was a fairly slow day, but really pretty decent for a Sunday. Once I got off work (a few minutes late because I had some latecomers who I wasn't about to kick out), I started walking home and I ran into Mr. A. I stopped and talked with him and during our conversation we were interrupted by a homeless man asking for money. Mr. A gave him some change which was a decent gesture, but then he asked the guy a lot of questions about where he was living and how he was doing, gave him some duct tape, and offered to bring some other miscellaneous items which could be helpful for his camp the next day. I stood there, feeling kind of terrible for not even donating some change (I only had a few small coins, but still) but mostly feeling really happy that Mr. A seems to be such a genuinely good guy. When we parted ways moments later he expressed that he'd like to see me again soon and seemed really sincere, which put me in a pretty good mood.

The disappointments this weekend? Getting stood up and not getting to see Wearable Art!
The highlights of the weekend? EVERYTHING ELSE, especially having Miss P as my valentine and Mr. A seeming to be a really great guy.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Who says I'm unlucky?

Tonight I lost in the first round of Rock-Paper-Scissors. Oh no! I lost to Mr. K, so at least it was not a bitter loss. I also lost when I was practicing with Mr. J earlier in the evening. He had almost convinced me that I had just gotten all my losing out of the way, but obviously that wasn't the case.

I wouldn't call myself unlucky though. It was a fun evening surrounded by friends, full of fun, and good music. I went to the Alaskan initially for open mic night and because I was bound to know someone there - right? I sat with Mr. J and we discussed life a bit and then got onto the subject of foreign films. Looks like Saturday night, after volunteering at Wearable Art, I'll be having Mr. J over for some French and German film watching. I'm not entirely sure how this activity is being interpreted by Mr. J, and I'm not entirely sure how I interpret it myself. I am going to settle on it being a fun night watching foreign films with the only other person in Juneau who is snobby enough to watch with me. We're quite the pair.

Also being scheduled for the future is a party at the house of Misses S, J, M, and H - at least I think they all officially live there... Anyway, Miss S and I were discussing with the liquor distributor about town the potential for doing away with some beer that none of us would actually drink except under certain circumstances (and maybe not even then) and those circumstances are obviously a house party. And so there shall be a house party in the future, planned in part by me, I believe, and it will have a theme if I get my way.

Today I was having a hard time at work, and I suppose I was having a hard time yesterday as well. I am in this awful position of power/responsibility in a few spheres of my life, a position I've decided I don't much care for, for the following reason: Nobody takes me seriously. At work I have to put on my bitch-face and force people to comply by removing any semblance of the friend that I may have been before. At my meetings I also feel like I'm not taken seriously, mostly because other people keep trying to exert their power and try to run the meeting despite me being there trying to run it myself. If I don't cut people off, someone else is likely to take my segue and run my damn meeting. It is incredibly frustrating and it is awful to feel as though you are being undermined. I was really bothered by the situation - one person in particular seemed to be taking over a lot - so after seething over it for a while, I decided to write an e-mail about it. I tried to be as rational as humanly possible, so I hope this person is not upset that I said something. I made it clear that I did not blame the person, that I was sure it was just that this person did not realize that it was a frustration to me, and possibly that this person did not realize that he/she did this at all. I think I did a decent job of just asking for one simple change that would in turn alleviate my feelings of helplessness and frustration.

Sometimes I feel like that whole crowd doesn't like me. I really try, but I don't feel that I've really connected with anyone that well and I don't really feel like anyone wants to get to know me or be friends with me. Maybe it has something to do with my immediate role of authority (though people don't really take that seriously as I had said) or maybe we just have nothing in common but a desire to network and do community outreach. I did date a certain member of the club very briefly. Briefly being, I think, the key word. It's kind of frustrating that in all of this social networking I don't feel like I've made a single real friend. The bar scene, however, has provided me with a plethora of friends. I don't really know what to make of that phenomenon.

Actually though, things are looking up in terms of social networking and the club. Two new people have started attending, one of whom I invited since we went to university together, the other I didn't know before, but she seems really friendly and possibly not as "grown up" as a lot of the members of the club. I saw her tonight at the competition and shall see her again on Saturday volunteering at Wearable Art. I am also having lunch next week with someone who is interested in potentially joining the group. I've been offering to meet people for lunch of coffee as a slightly less intimidating way to find out what the group is about. I must say, even if people don't take me that seriously, even if I sometimes mess up, I do make a wonderful figurehead. I should probably marry into royalty and just make a career of being a useless figurehead; cut some red tape, hand out some awards, and wave at the masses. Perfect.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

I'm in a hurry!

There's some vandalism on the side of a building on Seward that says "D****** H**** has the HURRIES" which is possibly one of the funniest things EVER. I don't really know if it is meant to mean what I think it means, but either way - really stupid graffiti sometimes amuses me.

But really, I'm in a hurry! If I have to walk to my meeting tonight - which I likely will - I'll want to leave a bit earlier than I tend to, just to prove that I can be on time. I kind of want to make something to eat, but my roommate has chosen right now to clean the kitchen, so it makes things a little crowded.

I have a meeting tonight for my club - I've convinced Mr. E to come. I am assuming I'll stay out until the wee hours again, since it is also another club meeting. Hmmm. I did stay out last night as well since it was SUPER FAT TUESDAY (Caucusing AND beads in one night). I hit a pinata, something I hadn't done in ages, and I became a delegate for Obama. That means I'll be heading to Palmer in May to represent Juneau's 3rd District!

I haven't had any dates or anything - I've instead been involved in a number of games of phone tag. Whether it is necessary or not, I am feeling less giddy about Mr. A, just because we haven't managed to see each other since. The 1.5 day turn-around for the call was encouraging, but not having any solid plans is not.

I've been hanging out with Miss E a lot - we ran into each other one day at lunch, discovered that we have the same lunch break, and made it a point to go out together the next day.

I am poor as poor can be right now - I managed to come up with a band-aid-esque solution for the matter, but it looks like I cannot afford my rock'n'roll lifestyle (or heating).

My manager has moved on, leaving me and my co-workers with various proxies, though so far only the VP Ops who is not exactly as saccharine sweet as my manager was. Though it wasn't necessarily her fault, I nearly cried when she criticized me within the first hour of being at work on Monday. I managed to hold back and I have tried to behave a little better, but when I think on it - I really despise that I am held to a higher standard and have more responsibilities when I only got a $0.60 raise and so what if I'm intelligent!?!?! Though it was an ego stroke to hear that I was "one of the smartest people" working at my place of employment, it sucked to realize that it was being held against me. Someone less intelligent could get away with doing the same thing or worse simply because they aren't as intelligent. I should have played dumb! Also - I was told that if I hadn't wanted the responsibility or to be held to a higher standard, I shouldn't have moved up - but in my recollection, they needed me to move up because they needed SOMEONE to take on those responsibilities...

Anyway, better go have a bite to eat before I go to my meeting(s)!

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Update:

I worked for four hours.

He called this afternoon.

We might hang out tomorrow, but I said no to tonight - part of the rules? I don't know.

Listening to the Hives!

I'm pretty happy right now.

A classy affair and its less classy effects

Miss R, Mr. K, Miss E, and Mr. J tend to have some classy events at their place, always with a good crowd of people. In preparation for said classy event, Miss E and I went to Fred Meyer to buy some wine, cheese, and other classy foods. I picked out the cheese first, I chose some cheeses with fruit in them, lemon and blueberry. I then decided that I should get some fruit and go with a dessert wine. I picked up some pears, apples, and nectarines and an "auslese" Riesling - made from grapes past the normal harvest. It was a really sweet wine, which in the wrong context would be terrible (I'm more of a red girl) but with the cheeses and fruit, it was perfect and scored pretty well when it was paired properly by the taster - after a bit I started harassing people into pairing it properly. There were a number of wines, some great, one Boone's Farm, and there were cheeses ranging from the bizarre (and mold covered) to Kraft Singles. If you hadn't made the connection already, the Boone's Farm and the Singles went together.

I was there early, as Miss E and I were getting ready together. I wore her clothes, and she wore something of mine. We have really different figures but we can still wear a lot of the same clothing. We went upstairs and waited around for a long time on the wine, eventually giving in and opening a bottle or two and eating from the platters. We were about six or eight and decided it was silly to wait until everyone arrived to begin. Mr. I, a gent I have met a number of times but didn't know all that well, was rather drunk and absolutely hilarious that night. I had had a discussion with Mr. K recently and had in this conversation given him permission to "cock block" if the need were to arise. I told him that he had my permission to decide if I was hanging out with an asshole (as he claims I often do, and it would appear to be true), and to save me. Mr. I heard us talk about this role of his in my life and offered himself as well. I told him he could be my body guard, but as we didn't know each other that well, I wasn't really sure if he would know who to allow or not. He decided that he could prove to me that he could make the right decision and that meant pointing out nice guys, going from bodyguard to matchmaker. I wasn't taking him very seriously but in the end he turned out to be very apt.

As more guests started to arrive, he pointed out one of them, and said, "How about Mr. A, have you met Mr. A yet?" and I told him repeatedly that it wasn't his job to be a matchmaker and that I'd meet Mr. A when I met him. Amusingly enough, through out the evening, Mr. I would continue to jokingly say, "Have you met my friend, Mr. A?" and he even took to informing me that Mr. A was apparently checking me out. Eventually Mr. A and I did become acquainted, and I found that I enjoyed his company. I spent a good deal of the night with Mr. M and Miss A, speaking some German or just having lighthearted conversation. At some point Mr. I passed on his torch to Miss A, who was meant to look after me and make sure that I only assort with non-assholes. When Miss A and Mr. M left eventually, she told me that she wasn't sure about Mr. A's worthiness because of his age. I didn't let it phase me, personally, but at the same time having all of these opinions about him seemed a bit silly since I hadn't even been after him to begin with.

Eventually people began to leave and a big group of us got a cab to my favorite bar for the Ground Hog's Day party. It had already cleared out a bit and Mr. M and Mr. J were nowhere to be found, possibly a blessing. I found Mr. I again and he said something one more time, and I in turn encouraged him to go for the girl he liked. I did end up hanging out with Mr. A for the rest of the night, sitting at the bar and drinking a G&T and wearing his jacket when we went outside to smoke (a terrible, terrible thing I sometimes do when I drink), and then to my second favorite bar, where Mr. C may have witnessed me hanging out with a fellow that was not himself - probably realizing that he should have behaved himself had he wanted to maintain what semblance of a relationship we had.

Throughout the night there was wine and cheese tasting, silliness, good friends, new friends, some dancing, and maybe a bit of scandal. To me, that's a fun time.

I may be slightly enamored with Mr. A, who has many of the qualities I find very attractive, from actual physical appearance to being very intelligent and well educated, funny, politically active, etc. I am trying to maintain a little emotional distance (all part of the game) so that I don't start acting like a bumbling idiot or a giddy schoolgirl - both rather unattractive archetypes.

I had a diversity workshop on Saturday - I was really tired, and we were all invited to express how we were feeling at the beginning of the workshop. Most people used this as an opportunity to give an excuse for being tired, an instant out if the speaker happened to be boring and happened to cause people to doze off. People had loads of excuses, but I didn't list mine, because in a professional setting, the last thing I want to admit is that I may fall asleep because I was out all night partying. I may have looked the part though, because I got ready in about 10 minutes. The diversity workshop was great though - I think it was a good way to start the seminars for the leadership program.

I stayed in Saturday, giving up my Hot Salsa, Cool Ballroom ticket to a friend of Miss L's. I think it would have been fun to go, but I was far too tired. Now I have to get ready to go to work! I've been up for hours but I have been thoroughly unproductive. I can boast of taking a long, hot, leisurely shower, drinking some cranberry juice, and now blogging. Better go fix the hair and get dressed now!

I may not actually end up staying at work today, if things look slow, thanks to the weather and the Super Bowl, we may close up early or not even open.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Champions of the Heart

Things are starting to look up. A little.

My week started off pretty rough, as you may have read. While things haven't been all sunshine and rainbows, things have been a little better since Wednesday evening.

Wednesday evening I went to a party associated with the club over which I currently preside. It was mostly just our group, but it was a nice setting, considering it had nothing to do with business and there were three words we couldn't say (one of which was the name of our
group). I managed to coerce Mr. E to come to the event, though he came a bit later in the event which turned out to be rather short lived. After the party I went home and ran into Miss L, who convinced me to go to B.C. at my favorite bar. We went to that and I started drinking hot totties without the whiskey (hot water with lemon and honey) while chatting with some people, though strangely the usual posse was mostly not there. I went home and went to bed then. Exciting, I know.

Thursday still had its low points, like Wednesday, all work related. After work (we were late getting out) I went and got my hair cut by Miss C for the last time EVER because she is moving across the country. She always does a great job, and nothing makes me happier than a lovely new haircut. I was feeling pretty damn cute so when I went home I told Miss L that I'd be going out that night, probably to my top two. I went to my absolute favorite first and drank my virgin
hot totties again while I chatted with Mr. J and Mr. M, whom I hadn't seen in too long. I am having a hard time with juggling those two, because I adore both of them for completely different reasons and we interact in completely different ways but they are really good friends and hanging out with both of them together is a little difficult in some senses. Mr. J and I will likely be having an 'adventure' one of these days coming up, and I know I'll see them both tonight at the Ground Hog's Day party. Once those two left I decided to check out my second favorite to see if people had arrived for the ultimate competition. I hadn't intended to get involved, citing my bad luck as a logical reason, but I was coerced into it by Miss R. I ended up making it to the semi-finals in this first night of competition, and now I feel pretty obligated to attend EVERY event for a chance to win some tickets out of here. I played Mr. M first and won. Then I played someone I didn't know and won. Then I played Miss H and won... but I lost to Miss K. It wasn't a sore loss though, the "crew" was happy to see one of our own advance to the finals. Unfortunately some drunk outsider intimidated Miss K in the last round and left with a spot in the final championship in March. As I was planning to leave, Mr. C (who had reconsidered) was being quite friendly and wanted to hang out, but then he called and cancelled, and then he texted an hour later asking if I was asleep. I was still awake but I did not respond because this treatment is not okay. I deserve better and I can do better than this. I can't decide yet if we need to talk about it or if I just need to swear him off entirely. I'm pretty sure that the latter is the correct answer, but I'm way too nice and I may end up talking it out. Lucky me, I have the Ground Hog's Day party and better company to look forward to!

Today is going slowly so far - I really hope it starts moving already! I am over it already, I want to go to the wine and cheese party at the household of Misses R and E and Misters K and J. I want to primp and look super hot. I want to go to the party after. I want things to be fantastic! And they will be. I know this weekend is going to be good. Tomorrow I have more leadership training and then on Sunday work. This is why I cannot have an adventure with Mr. J sooner -
being this busy all the time is both a blessing and a curse. I got so involved so that I wouldn't have to worry about being alone and bored, but now that I have a real social life some of the time, I find that I have less time than I'd like for these more spontaneous activities when they arise. Alas, it is not human nature to be satisfied.