Monday, December 10, 2007

Three months later...

For Miss T's sake, I'll post something again.

Miss T, a now former co-worker of mine has left our workplace and Alaska. Miss V left as well. That meant that we had and are still having a very interesting time filling those places. Things were so stable and pleasant for that brief period of time, but then we had to go and try to hire new people and I had to try to like said new people, and perhaps Mr. J, the only potential candidate I thought had any potential turned out to be a flake, so we were back down to two employees, me and the boss. We had to fill in with a number of people from the other branch, which ranged from pleasant to less pleasant. Miss T has experienced some of the people - some of these people aren't necessarily people I'd choose to spend time with.

I think I've dated or been involved with half of Juneau now (a gross exaggeration) which has its pros and cons. A pro is that I've avoided cover charges in bars, had my fair share of free drinks, and that I have friends most anywhere I go. The cons are that not all relations end amicably and sometimes I'd rather not run into certain people again. No girl likes to see a guy she's dated a few weeks or a month later with a girl who has twice the boobs she does, but that's another thing I've had to face. I won't pretend that I had much experience with dating before, and maybe that's why I'm proving to be so terrible at it, but I never knew that dating was so frustrating. I thought being single and dateless was frustrating, but dating certainly gives it a run for the money.

I've been spending a lot of time with Miss E, who is someone I seem to really connect with. She works in the same industry and sometimes we get together to chat over drinks and complain about our jobs. We talk about positive stuff too, but there is plenty to complain about when one works in the service industry in any way.

Miss L is on vacation. She got to visit Miss B in L.A., family in Arizona, our sisters and old friends in Oregon, and Mr. J in Chicago. I, on the other hand, have not left Juneau even once since my arrival. This means that I have spent over six months (barely) in this town without even setting foot in another. Juneau is a funny place though - it is surrounded by mountains and ocean and it has no roads connecting it with the outside world. In order to leave the city, one must go by sea or by air. Neither option is terribly cheap. I am starting to feel a bit stir crazy - something that was triggered this most recent Friday night when I realized that there were a large number of familiar faces in one of my usual hangouts. I wasn't bothered mostly, as it is pleasant to see friends, but as I mentioned earlier - not everything ends amicably. There was one person present who absolutely refused to be civil. I saw him from across the room, knew that he saw me, and I could tell at some point that he was trying to avoid contact. I had to walk past and looked straight at him and thought that the right thing to do would be to say hello. He just looked away as if I hadn't spoken to him. Ouch. I haven't witnessed something that immature since the days of the silent treatment in elementary school. That was back when we thought it was clever to ask if someone had heard a mouse or if the wind was particularly loud that day. Or maybe someone would just cover their ears, chanting la-la-la-la-la-I-can't-hear-you-la-la-la-la-la. It was enough to put a damper on my evening. Miss A and I went upstairs and Mr. M joined us. Mr. M and I played a game of Dominoes, though I don't really feel like the game was terribly challenging. I didn't know the rules though, so I guess I cheated? The bouncer has offered to teach me someday.

I had my first mature dating relationship recently. It lasted approximately one week. I still have no idea what went wrong. The thing that bothers me about it all is that I didn't go into the situation intending to date this person - just as friends. Well, initially I was using him for his car, but then I thought he was nice so we should hang out as friends. He is the one who turned it into dating, but then he is also the person who ended things by discontinuing contact. I tried calling a couple times, but every time either I was sick or he was sick so we didn't make plans and then I recently saw that he was having a drink with a girl and I guess that's when I knew that we were over for good. I carried a torch for a couple weeks, thinking that perhaps he was just too busy with his grown up lifestyle. I was wrong. Maybe it was over when I broke the "rules" of dating.

Miss L told me that my problem is that I don't play by the rules. I get someone interested and then I get excited and I let them know that I like them. That's wrong! I am supposed to pretend that I am completely uninterested, then we'll fall in love and everything will be perfect.

There is something bothering me lately. I think there is a vicious rumor about me. I heard that I was referred to as "boy crazy" and "a party animal" which doesn't sound terribly harsh, but the person who claimed to have heard these things doesn't act as though she likes me much. As a matter of fact, a part of me is convinced that she hates me. Bringing this up to a mutual acquaintance of ours is how I found out about the rumors. Now, I know that I'm not the most puritanical girl in this town, but I have by no means gone too far in either arena - partying or dating. I like to have some fun, but I keep it reasonable. I really don't know who would bother saying anything about me or why, and that is frustrating. I have a reputation as a young leader to uphold and I don't need the paparazzi on my tail! Yeah. Paparazzi in Juneau.

And finally, I do still have Mr. PH in my life. We've come to some understanding and we get along swimmingly now. My other male friend along similar lines is Mr. C who hosts karaoke nights at one of the bars and acts in plays. I've still got Miss E, Mr. J, Miss R, and Mr. K as well. Miss A is leaving though, which is a huge upset for me. She is one of my closest and most fun friends here. When she leaves I'll be a bit heartbroken. I have less than a month with her too. I think I'll have Christmas with her and Mr. M, since none of us will have family around.

It's too bad that I can't turn my life's stories into something more coherent than disjointed paragraphs. Perhaps if I updated more than quarterly...

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Hangovers do leave me a bit contemplative...

Today was hangover from hell number two for the summer. Somehow I got the idea that I should buy a bottle of vanilla vodka - more strange than this is that I also got the idea a few swigs in that I should drink myself into oblivion. I spent an indefinite (from my perspective) period of time in that state but was thrust back into the world of lucidity when my body decided to reject the vanilla vodka and the rest of my stomach's contents.

Lucky me, the contents were quite classy that day - perhaps I should have reverted to chronological order, but at this moment the hangover stands out - but back to the contents:
Sushi from lunch and then when I went to Miss L's employee dinner we were treated to some very fine food. We were all dressed up and the table was laid out with trays of matzah bread and tapenade. We were served water with lemon and drinks and had wine with dinner. We ordered hors d'oeuvre trays including escargot, clams, mussels, and sesame and ginger coated ahi. I had a delicious salad with a berry vinaigrette, candied pecans, and crumbled feta. For the actual meal I ordered a dish with halibut and snow crab claws, which came served with rice pilaf. To end the already decadent meal I had a creme brulee. The dinner was amazing, but equally as pleasant was the company. Miss L and Mr. J were of course present, Miss L's formerly rude boss, and all of Miss L's co-workers including Miss K and Mr. B. I would have to say that some people contributed less to the amusing atmosphere than others, but Mr. B and the boss - Mr. S were the life of the party with their occasionally risque anecdotes and sometimes odd behaviors. The highlight was definitely when Mr. S made an 'O-Face' or a series of facial contortions while eating pecan pie. I was encouraged to do the same but am apparently less uninhibited (perhaps because I was the designated driver) and made my face for a much shorter period of time.

After the dinner we stopped by Mr. R and Miss O's place for Miss O's going away party - we were there only rather briefly, but we did some very nice grown up mingling. I talked about health care and networking in Juneau - so adult. Mr. R is Miss L's former step-dad who filled the role of father figure in her life. Miss O is his Spanish girlfriend who is probably back in Spain right now after her several month stay in Juneau. Miss O is pretty young and seems really sweet - unfortunately I never managed to spend time with her in a relaxed social setting - I think that we both could have benefited from the sort of camaraderie that one experiences with a same gender peer in a new place.

After the dinner party and the adult going away party was Miss B and Mr. J's birthday party. We stopped at the Breeze-In on the way, where I picked up a pack of cloves and a bottle of vanilla vodka (as mentioned earlier). When I got there I was sober, it was packed, and while the first swigs didn't go down as easily as I had hoped, after that point I didn't find it difficult at all to drink an obscene amount and exist in a state where memory was - well - a fleeting memory. I literally did not remember doing things just after doing them and I may not have known what I was doing as I was doing it. I lost an earring, perhaps was kissed by someone inappropriate for me, and perhaps did other things which I have not discovered or heard about. I puked off a balcony, puked in the toilet, and puked out of a moving car. I am not proud of this at all, but I'm sure that once the hangover has fully worn off I will find it to be a jolly good anecdote. So far, my only real consolation is that I am apparently a funny and rather pleasant drunk - so while taking care of a puking girl is never the highlight of one's night, my roommates were at least amused by my musings, my confusion, and by me telling Mr. J not to look at me because I was puking and looking probably rather frightful.

I had to cancel all plans today, including the already serially rescheduled dinner date with Mrs. S and the much anticipated girls' night. Per communication with Miss H and Miss E, as well as Miss L it has been rescheduled for tomorrow night. Then we can bring out the champagne (loosely used) and truffles and behave like Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte. If you don't get the reference, you probably don't care about anything in this paragraph and should disregard it and think nothing of doing so.

In other and less frivolous news, Rotaract is going well - sort of. I guess starting a group like this is difficult to begin with, but we're having loads of trouble because our original treasurer had to step down so she can move, then instead of getting a new treasurer we had our Secretary, Mr. M take the role, leaving us secretary-less. In more exciting news of the Rotaract world, I went to the luncheon and engaged in more grown-up banter and bonding, had a delightful meal including a dark chocolate souffle and more seafood. I discovered that with the exception of my hard partying friends - even my newest friends are in relationships. I spent most of the time at the luncheon with Mr. M and Mr. L, both of whom are married, and of course the other table members were older and married as well. I did also enjoy the company of Mrs. L, the CEO, and Mrs. N, who is in charge of marketing, as well as Mrs. N's husband, whom I've met before. Most notable, I think was that I recognized a rather handsome man, who looks to be in his mid twenties to thirty-ish, whom I had seen at the Rotary club meeting I had attended. When I saw him this time I rather obviously gave him the "up and down" and was pleasantly surprised when he walked up to me and spoke to me. We introduced ourselves officially and were chatting when Mr. L and Mr. M came over and the conversation turned to vacation (fittingly, as we were about to set foot upon a cruise ship) and it was then shared by Mr. Hottie that he can't go on any exciting vacations for at least some months because he has an infant child with his wife. I, at that point, wasn't sure what had made Mr. Hottie choose to come talk to me after the obvious "up and down" check out - but I guess I'll have to assume that it was just pleasant to see another young person about and not that he was pleased to be checked out by a sexy young thing like me. Or maybe one can be pleased about that and do a little flirting and still be in a happy marriage with an infant child - who knows. I know nothing of the less obvious rules of relationships. Anything not in the ten commandments is less than obvious. Well, maybe there are some other obvious rules - I don't believe the commandments warn against battering one's wife or leaving the toilet seat up but they still count as obvious.

And finally, I'll end this rather epic post with mention of my birthday, further guy troubles, and sparkly things. Here is just an overview of the things in a somewhat chronological order:
I continued the thing with Mr. J's co-worker until I met another guy, Mr. PH, who in the end just made my life more dramatic. I guess it's a little more confusing than the description that I've just given as there was some overlap, some jealousy, and some good and bad behaviors from all involved. I was introduced to Mr. PH by Miss L's former RA one night after discussing my zeal for the German language and culture - he shares in that, is attractive, studies biology, and seem(s)(ed) like a genuinely nice guy. Anyway, this was a night when Mr. Latin Lover was not out and about and I was surprised and delighted to hit it off with Miss A and Mr. PH. I went back with them to their place to watch a movie and found myself cuddling with Mr. PH and growing rather fond of him. Miss A gave me a ride back to my place in the morning and I spent much of the day in a dazed state thinking about actually meeting a nice guy.

The following week brought some mixed signals, I thought, as we sent a few text messages but didn't make plans and the responses on his end seemed a bit short. I had given up hope entirely and was once again flirting with Mr. Latin Lover at our usual Friday night hot spot and walked home with Mr. Latin Lover and Mr. J. Apparently, as I was leaving (with my hand in Mr. Latin Lover's) I was spotted by Mr. PH without seeing him myself. He sent me a text message on the way back which I initially ignored. When Mr. Latin Lover passed out in the middle of my bed snoring and put himself on my (probably temporary) shit-list I replied to the seemingly innocent text message to receive a second and somewhat jealous text message from Mr. PH. I responded back and then got a call. I left my room and went into the bathroom where I talked to Mr. PH for about twenty minutes and he expressed seemingly sincerely affection for me, a wish to cuddle, and a desire to see me again. I swore off Mr. Latin Lover (once he left) and spent the next day basking in birthday glory and the anticipation of seeing Mr. PH again. I received flowers and cards and a gift card for my favorite shoe store, I went out to dinner with the roommates, and then went to the usual haunts where I ended up spending the evening with fewer people than the night before, getting continually more disappointed at the absence of Mr. PH and remaining disappointingly sober for a birthday night. Drama ensued when a Canadian tried to flirt with Miss L and even went so far as to bad-mouth Mr. J, they left and I stayed because I saw Miss E and thought that the night could be salvaged. I talked with her briefly, sparked conversation with my tiara, got a birthday shot from a cute stranger who flirted unabashedly, and received somewhat of a lecture from the Canadian (who thought he was perfection on two legs) about never giving second chances - I was so disappointed with Mr. PH that I had just agreed that I should drop the trouble-maker but while the Canadian was still waiting to close out his tab I felt the hands of Mr. PH on my shoulders and thought that the night had been saved. Except it wasn't. Not at all. He paid very little attention to me and I walked home alone in the rain wishing I had flirted with birthday shot boy or Mr. H or chosen to not think about stupid silly boys at all. The good thing about the weekend was that I bonded with Miss A, a co-worker, and her boyfriend Mr. M.

So far twenty-two hasn't been terribly impressive, but I have high hopes still.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Alaska: Bigger, Emptier, Drunker

Actually, it's funny to me that I have set this aside for so long, and here I am in Alaska. I made a reasonable compromise, I think.

During a mental breakdown in front of my sorority house, I finally agreed to move to Alaska - at the time it seemed a far wiser decision than living at home with my family and being miserable. It's not that I don't love my family, I do, but they can drive me crazy and be lovable at the same time.

Instead of getting my dream job or a crappy summer job, I settled for a pretty acceptable job working as a teller at a credit union. There are a couple things which seem a little off about this:
1) I (was) notoriously bad at my finances - overdraft fees and late payments galore.
2) I have a tendency to transpose numbers.
3) I am no math whiz.
4) I have a love-hate relationship with money, mostly hate.
5) I wanted a job related to at least on of my areas of study.

I am, surprisingly, having a decent time. I am doing well at my job, my manager trusts me, and I am hoping for a raise at the three month mark (which almost perfectly coincides with my birthday). It's not as terrible a job as I had imagined, and I've found that I have a real knack for convincing people to open up CDs and other investment accounts.

Work isn't the only thing going on in life - that would be unhealthy!

One of the most recent developments is my involvement with the newly formed Rotaract club. I'm not just involved though, I was voted PRESIDENT. I am not letting this power go to my head - I choose not to be a dictator, but rather to be a facilitator. I think things will go well. One of the best things about Rotaract is that it is possibly one of the few things that will keep me sane and keep me from fleeing Alaska when the weather gets bad. It is something to which I can commit, to which I can devote time and effort, and a great opportunity to meet people.

Not that I haven't met people through other means, but my current friend base consists of my house-mates, one of whom is leaving at the end of September and the other of whom is leaving for a few months in December, a group of guys with whom I party who are always affected by some substance or another, and people I've met through my house-mates and through the wonderful Alaskan sport of Beer-Ball, and some co-workers at this or that branch. Now, some of these people are great friends, but compared with my once bustling social life of my college years, it is a meager number.

My first attempt at getting myself to stay was to sign up for a year long gym membership. I've been doing alright about going, though the second week of membership found me under the weather - I still haven't developed a rigid schedule, which I think I should. I just still struggle with the best time to go to the gym - should I give up sleep and go early in the morning (which is rather invigorating) or should I do it in the evenings (though getting all sweaty can ruin any chance of having spontaneous evening plans). I am almost thinking that I'll do the morning workouts, and also that I'll be better at waking up in the mornings when I am not so consumed with this summertime life of excess.

Honestly, things were a bit more excessive in the beginning when we had "the pact" and drank EVERY NIGHT. Once we one by one and little by little gave up on "the pact" things became a little more manageable - at least briefly. I have had a few drunken nights, for which I try to dodge blame with excuses like, "But three free drinks! It wasn't my fault!" These days I am drinking less frequently and less alcohol (which goes together, considering the lowering of my tolerance with the lesser frequency) but still managing to get myself involved in some drama. Involvement with house-mates' co-workers is probably not the most brilliant idea, but somehow it didn't strike me as a terrible idea until after it had begun. Now that it has begun, and despite what a terrible idea it may be, I am kind of stuck on the guy. I guess that's how it goes - not that I'd know, since this may be the first time I've had any sort of consistent ANYTHING and it is far from being a Disney-esque fairytale romance.

There has been drama in this town in general. I guess since it is a small town and it seems that everyone has or will have dated everyone else (within a person's sexual preference - mostly at least) and that people will inevitably get upset and accusatory. I've already been accused of trying to seduce a guy who may earn the award for hugest nerd EVER who is also obviously full of himself to the point that he would think that not just one girl, but two girls, made an attempt to take him home in one night almost immediately after acquiring singledom. I laugh.

This seems like a reasonable enough update.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Monday, March 19, 2007

I want it all.

I've discovered recently that I want it all. I want to do everything, be everywhere, know everything, see everything, feel everything... you get the picture. Now, I am not really one to throw around the word impossible because that is a negative, but damn it, I know it is definitely impossible.

Yesterday I was being swayed by some friends to go to Alaska for the summer to work. While explaining my status as a maybe attendee I stumbled across an interesting concept. I felt like my longer term goals and my longer term plans were more important than my short term goals and plans. As a matter of fact, I don't have any short term goals or plans right now. I am so stuck on the long term that I am ignoring the short term.

The short term:
Write thesis.
Pay bills.
Renew library books.
Submit hours to get paid.
Read for class.
Finish assignments or at least work on them.
Work out.
Make lunch.
Remember appointments.
Friends' birthdays.
Etc.

The long term:
Get a job career.
Go to grad school.
Work for the UN.

I'm not going to be harrassed by bill collecters, receive poor marks, starve, or lose friends if I don't find a career before I graduate... if I don't fulfill the short term, however things could get ugly.

I kind of suck at life.

Friday, March 16, 2007

I've made an amazing discovery!

...And if anyone actually read this blog, I might not have shared it for fear I would have more competition.

www.idealist.org

Actually, I hope all the world joins this site and does a lot of good things for the world, but stay away from my future jobs.

I was rejected from a certain program on whose acceptance to a certain next step I had been waiting. Rejection hurts, I did what any adult woman does: I called my mom. Actually, first I called one of my best friends who had actually been accepted to the program and left a sad, sad message on her voicemail, then I called my mom. I called my mom and I cried. I also made it sound like my life was over because I wouldn't be teaching kids in the inner city of whom I would likely be afraid. Apparently my family will dish out unconditional love, on the condition that I stop feeling sorry for myself...

This tragedy led me to realize that I didn't really want to be a teacher (even if I would have been damn good) and that I really just wanted to go to another new place and live a more exciting life than what I would probably have if I remained in or near my current location. This led me to bigger and better things, or smaller and worse paying things, depends on how this current job search rampage goes. I went back to another recruiter, similar to the recruiter which had recently rejected me, but it offers positions that are not necessarily teaching. For these positions I would receive money to live and possibly some other benefits. When I realized that living on less than $1000 a month in New York City, especially with my budgetary habits, would be near impossible, I managed to stumble over the idealist.org website (praise google). That allowed me to find a number of other opportunities, some of which should pay at least a little more, though I don't know how much I'll lose to taxes, so maybe I'll still be living on less than $1000 a month in NYC. Ouch.

In any case, I've had varying degrees of success with this job search rampage... I've managed two phone interviews for the positions which will leave me scrounging for change on subways and I've managed to leave two messages and to receive a near promise to read an e-mail out of the more promising waged positions. I'm not letting this not-quite-success get me down. I talked to my mom again without the crying and self pity, got not only her unconditional love, but a hint that she may pay for me to go to NYC, stay in a hostel, and interview for positions. Whoa. That would be fantastic. All I have to do is solidify some real live interviews, even of the informational and therefore not going anywhere sort. One of these positions would even be directly related to my field of study. WHOA. I thought the closest I could ever get to working in IR would be reading the International News section of the New York Times while serving someone coffee or answering phones at a hardwood flooring company.

Monday, March 12, 2007

This is serious. Really, really serious.

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"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!?!?" I asked, holding a naked beer bottle in one hand and the removed label in the other. I was greeted with a blank stare. Then everyone laughed because I was so serious.

"It means you are sexually frustrated. And shut up."

I love champagne, rather sparkling white wine of the cheapest sort.

P.S. I learned to be patient over many years, but my patience is being severely tested by a certain program whose acceptance to a certain final interview I await. Certainly.

Friday, March 9, 2007

SEX SELLS

Today, I logged onto myspace.com. I do this pretty much everyday and on each day that I do this, the part of me that gets really annoyed with obnoxious internet ads (which is every grain of my being) considers never signing in again.

Today though, oh boy, I was not assaulted with comments in cartoonish voices when I accidentally scrolled over a banner ad, NO, I was assaulted with SEX.

The best thing about this ad is that the sex is completely unrelated. It is an ad for something that neither requires a person to be sexy nor to want sexy. It was an ad to become a "secret shopper!"

Here's the ad:

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So, notice that this ad is the work of someone with some skill in photoshop but absolutely no idea of how a slip dress would lie on a human body. Notice that the woman's hand is framing her vagina. Come on, you noticed, no time to get shy about this. Also, notice the carrot or less than sign that draws the eye between the nether regions of the woman and the link "CLICK HERE" and if that is not SEX in the media, I don't know what is.

Always read the fine print.

Those look like plastic Barbie legs. Mattel should sue... Maybe Adobe should sue for that poor photoshopping as well.

I'd like to thank Nacho for making it impossible for me to ever look at the media with an un-critical eye. I don't know if that is sincere or sarcastic. Really.